Dropping frequencies

something happened this week...

My 3.5 year old started pre-school. Nothing spectacular... right?

It's the same Nursery my girl went to.
Now... at this nursery, parents walk their kids into class and help them settle in. we can even hang out a few minutes.

I park... get Rynu out... and the short distance to the entrance.... Rynu holds my hand.

Overwhelming... that moment. His tiny hand in mine...
Reality strikes... hard.
My responsibility as a parent... the next 15+ years to come.
The many events and paths i will be walking with him...in his scholastic life and otherwise.

He walked in and in 2 minutes was happily coloring away. Not a care to see me leave him and go.
I walk away with the a smile thinking of some alone Me time.

I wondered why?... i didn't feel this feeling when I walked my first born to her first day at pre-school.

I remember that day so well... She was 2 yrs and 8 months and was just potty trained. I didn't do much home work in choosing the school and picked a strict catholic institution for her first pre-school. Parents were asked to leave their child at the door and LEAVE immediately.

Her first day she cried... n I stood outside and cried silent tears.
I was so anxious... at letting my first born go...
my emotions and pain... clouded my vision of the trees from the forest.
when her tears and my pain didn't cease even after 4 months, I pulled her out.

today i realize... when i see beyond my pain and drop the frequency of thoughts in my mind... i am able to see further beyond... my needs ... and far into the future.