Rave

today my girl turned 7.




0-> 7. time flies. Happy 7th Birthday to my darling Rave!



My sis was the first to call n wish her... i was happy to be second in line.
as she lay cuddled in bed under the warm sheets, i kissed her awake and wished her Happy Birthday. While brushing her hair outta her eyes, i told her a bit of the beautiful day she was born...

'it was a cold winter day... snow lay piled all along the roads. I was in labor all day long. and you arrived at 8:05 pm... and you were the MOST beautiful baby I've ever seen'

i seem to get nostalgic today... which i don't on my son's b'day... even tho i had an easier childbirth experience with him.

Rave got to go on a play date at my friends house... some 10 kids. picked up a cake and she got to cut it, n all her friends sang 'happy birthday to you.. cha cha chaaa....'

she had a fun day.
hope her life is too.

Thank god for friends

i have been accused of over dosing on facebook way 2 many times... that it's not even funny anymore.

it got me thinking... on why i am such an fb junkie.

i've drifted apart from many dear frinds...
like most, i was too busy chasing a career, building a family... having kids... n before i realized... 10 - 15 - even 20+ years have passed since we touched base.

and i've realized... coupla thing....
how WRONG i was... about some of them.
and how RIGHT i was on a few others.

makes me wonder...is it my outlook that has changed in life...?

so i went to top notch schools growing up... and the girls i thot were total snobs then, are such dear dear sweethearts. i enjoy reading about them and sharing inane banter with them.

some others... were immature and its funny to see... they've remained the same.

will talk of a few here... of course anonymously.

Ms NoName... my first memory of a friend. i was 10 when i met her. jolly, vivacious, happy and so full of life love and laughter. her life long battle with weight hasn't killed her spirit. stayed the same.

Ms Garfield... very creative, witty and lovely smile. sharp mind, sharper tongue. stayed single and has stayed the same.

Ms Wit... way advanced for her age even at 15. sharp mind and witty. lived an adventurous life and is so hard working. stayed the same

Ms Docile... sweetness personified. wanted to be nun. life has thrown lemons the size of melons... divorced with 2 kids in tow. wish life had been kinder. just gotten stronger

Ms Flirt... helped me survive 4 yrs of dreaded college life... full of mischief, kind, numerous fans n easily distracted by love. went thru' bad relationships n has had to grow up SO fast and these days, helps me stay grounded.

Ms Geek... spoilt brat, studied hard, total geek and helped us all pull our grades up. turned cool n is now partying like there is no tomorrow. total flip!

Mr TDH ... dashing n caused quite a few hearts to flutter at school. a college romance that didn't withstand family pressure. no plan b in place when plan a failed. accepted lifez lemons with the perennial smile n has returned to his family base in a little remote village in India n is highly into community service. total flip!

Mr Arien... was grumpy most times. today is so grounded, full of life, family, wife, kid and can be so funny, that he cracks me up. gotten better with time!

Ms BLR... ever ready to go pub hopping, shopping... great times...stayed single and loving it. 10 yrs later... still pub hopping n happy n so very nice.

n the best for last
My Halkat... 20 yrs ... is a long time... n my first impression has stayed the same. today i realize.... its totally my loss :(

i am happy to be able to chat n stay connected with some of these lovely people everyday.

so ya... i am addicted to fb.
'coz my friends live in there.

'tis the season of no jolly - sequel

so...
kids had a blast...
gifts galore...
food flowed...
drinks overflowed...
motrin multiplexed...




<- featured here...GLEE! kids opening presents... a bird's eye view!



surprisingly ... it went pretty well.
i even held my claws back at the coupla snide digs made. woo-hoo! to me

all that effort n my gratification came in the form of the love and attention n quality time my kids got from / with their aunts, uncles n cousins.



herez the jing bang ->

so until next year...
Cheers!... to staying sane

'tis the season of no jolly

n the circus begins tomorrow.
family arrives... all 9 adults n 2 kids.

fridge stocked with food - check
house clean - check
fresh sheets - check
xmas gifts for all - check
rave bday set up - check
alcohol - check
motrin - check
my sanity ?

check back first thing Monday... to see if i survived.

tis the season of no jolly... fa la la la...la la f-u la!
toodles till then!

coupla firsts

in the decade I've lived here... 2 firsts for me.

I made a snowman with the kiddies.
*doesn't matter that the snow wasn't perfect snowman material n that it looked more penguin*

AND

shoveled 1 ft of snow off the car and around it.
*took me 2 attempts to clear it... had to stop to thaw my blue finger tips*

must say... it was frikkin F-U-N! EEE

life's lemons

its official!

NEVER EVER... EVER... make a decision about changing your hair's looks when you are low key.

it's NOT gonna help you feel better...EVER!

my trip to the salon... for hi-lights and a hair cut... turned me into Dr Seuss'z Grinch. Yikes!

after spending 3+ hrs sitting idle in a stoofid frikkin chair... i am now part red head and it gets worse... i have SHORTer hair than i like!

and NO I ain't sharing pics... BAH!

take home lesson ... go shopping instead.
you at least get to return the ridiculously over priced silly outfit you bought the next day.

PS: an old box of deep mahogany hair color... covered some of the red damage.
n my new shorter bob has knocked 5+ yrs off...!
so not ALL is BAD...:)

Kab ka... reality check

good / bad?

good... for the mind
2 bad... for the heart

it's never about the... rice

Time 8 pm...dinner conversation with Rave...my second grader.

Rave: Mom... my throat hurts.
Me: Uh-oh. Does it hurt to swallow food?
*remembering how the whole h1n1 flu started with sore throats*
Rave: a lill

Me: When did it start honey?
Rave: In the evening. err.... actually right after lunch. the mint rice made my throat itch.
Mom...
Me: ya?
Rave: Can you not pack mint rice for my lunch tomorrow?
Me: sure hon.


Rave: Mom... can i have cafeteria lunch at school tomorrow?
Dad: No.no no no no.... don't eat cafeteria food...

Me: Rave what would you like for lunch bacha? I can make it for ya. Dino shaped chicken nuggets, a jelly sandwich n box of juice sound good?
Rave: Oh Yaaaa!
*flashes big toothless smile*


sigh... my kid is embarrassed to eat rice at school :)

Nannu

9 years since Dec 16, 2000.


Shez gone and so is her pain. but she left us... with broken hearts.

whatz strange when I think back to the short year she lived after diagnosis is...

the pain was worse... the day the biopsy came back +ve for Ewing's Sarcoma.... than the day she passed.

more gut wrenching it was... to see her bald head the first time, with an iv running up her arm, laid up in a white hospital bed undergoing chemoT... than seeing her fast asleep with a smile on her lips... that last day.

heart breaking it was... to see her cry and cry and cry inconsolably, to leave for the hospital that one last time to never return home... than it was when she was lowered into her final resting place.

if my pain is so palpable now, after 9 long years... what are my sis and bil feeling?
i doubt... they will ever recover.


Nannu...
born 3/3/1991 - turned angel 12/16/2000
9 yrs 9 months and 12 days. a precious precious lill girl's short life.

Nannu...
today you fly with angels... but will always remain in my heart.
love you darling.

Myths

growing up... this stuff was so deeply drilled in my head that i still believe some of it!

1. Wake up on the right side of the bed... else your day won't go right *still believe in this*

2. I was adopted. *My oldest sis's FAVORITE taunt*

3. Bad omen if a black cat crossed your path.

4. Shampoo grayed your hair and so did soap. *i often wondered why the hair on our body didn't gray?*

5. White spots on your nails meant new clothes coming up. So did wearing your clothes inside out!

6. Cutting nails inside the house was bad. If someone were to step on it, you n that person would get in a fight. *i religiously collect nail clippings... still*

7. Swallow a pip and a tree would grow in your stomach. i lived in fear of the water melon seed i swallowed.

8. Tooth fairy and Santa.

9. All that i ate went to the growth of my long tresses... n thatz why i was so skinny as a kid.

10. Girls shouldn't whistle.

11. Cross your eyes and if a wind blew the same time, it would freeze your expression for LIFE!

12. My bicycle was coming next year.

13. Sneezing when someone said something would make it happen. *my mom still says this*

14. Put your right foot forward when entering a new place *still do this*

15. Eating rice grains meant rain on your wedding day. *i did... plenty n it didn't at mine*

Excerpts from a letter

Sounds cliched...but time does fly! especially when you are having a blast!

so what's made me happy n go EEEEEEEE all these years?

good company...
good sense of humor...
good wine...n now martini's!
fried chicken and kheema semiya biryani! lol!
the birth of my kids….
shopping….
watchin stand up comedy…
being outdoors...with r n r...
esp at the beach..
lying down on the sand n lookin up at the sky...
pristine blue skies...
watchin the puffy white clouds go by...can do it all day long!
the occasional airplane...glinting in the sun... carryin people to / away from loved ones…wondering where they are headed?
feeding silly sea gulls and greedy Canadian geese stale bread from my pantry...
oh! i love feeding birds...be it at the beach or the lake or at my back yard...its probably the nurturer in me kicking in! E
beach volleyball... fighting over points!
flying kites...n letting it soar up hi hi into the sky!
building sand castles...
collecting pretty shells...
watching spectacular fireworks on July 4th at the beach...
rolling up my pants n walkign alogn the waters edge....letting the sea weed tickle
picnics...on checkered blankets ...juicy crunchy green apples... cheap burgers n french fries from MickyD's.
click lotsa lotsa pictures ...for memories
oh darn!...this is turning into a glorified Julie Andrews 'these are a few of my favorite things...'

things I am yet to do at the beach….
Take Shamrock for a walk…
Dance with the senior citizens on a lazy Sunday afternoon…
Roller blade with the teen’s…

outdoors...it's where I am happiest!
sunshine..... welcome it!
water...love it!
wind...wanna fly with it!

In my early 20’s I would look at airplanes…n want to fly in them…to get away to the US / Europe…anywhere but India. Now I look at the same airplanes and wonder when can I go home! and the one statement that comes to mind is ‘be careful what you wish for…u JUST might get it!!!

I sit on this rock cliff at the beach n look at the horizon… thinking…I cross the Atlantic… n hop over a coupla continents and oceans and I can be home.
Seems simple enugh to do huh? yeah rite!

I anchored my kids lives here… knowlingly or unknowingly
I do love my life here… my friends…my work… love the freedom…the life style…
equal opportunities for all…regardless of age / race / color / wealth.
To be able to take a deep breath of FRESH air.
To be able to drive at 80+ m’s and not jolt over a pot hole.
To travel cross country with not a dime but just A credit card in my pocket…

Only in USA… I’ve seen a LONG line of cars with white collar corporate Americans, wait patiently during rush hour while a group of lazy we-ain’t-in-any-hurry-geese cross a busy street… (while I was annoyed)….I didn’t hear ONE toot nor any attempt to hurry them along!

I find plenty of happiness in the little things in life…..
But my heart does digress…
all i know is I have been lonely... all these years.
Every moment of my day I am surrounded by kids / friends / colleagues…
but that damned loneliness just don’t go away.
my days are so full... I have no time to think most days... but my mind mopes around.

So what more do I need…. In life???

19 random things about me

i saw this going around on fb and liked it a LOT.
herez random me...

1. I consider myself 'fat.' I check my wt / body fat and water percent EVERYDAY. every 0.2 lb / % change in any of the 3 numbers is obsessed over and so is every morsel i put in my mouth. 'Will i regret this tomorrow...' is a thot i have in my head ALL the time.

2. I start my day with listening to 'skanda shasti kavasam...' and a cup of coffee which i have to sit in isolation, to listen n sip in peace. NO MATTER how late i woke or how mad the rush is gonna get.... i do this for me.

3. I consider average...my intelligence, looks, career... n i am happy with that. BUT i have BIG dreams for my kids... who I want to see graduate out of Ivy League schools... Stanford, Yale, MIT, Harvard... if it doesn't happen... I shall disown them. Just Kidding :)))) i will be just fine. No pressure...no expectations.

4. I make friends easy coz I see only the good initially. I just as easily can get turned off by people especially when they make my claws come out... which I HATE to do. I hold grudges for long and find it tough to forget.

5. I enjoy simple joys. childlike is what i am mostly and am very easy to please.

6. My ideal date...A day at the beach. skipping rocks in the water...feeding hungry sea gulls... sleeping on my back n reading a book ...looking up at the blue blue sky... watching airplanes fly by...holding hands and walking along the waters edge...happy happy joy joy!

7. Kindness touches my heart. Touch my heart and you will see a beautiful person in me.

8. Painfully shy... but can yak non-stop n have a 100+ pals spread all over the world. oxymoron... thatz me!

9. I am so easily bored. Even when surrounded by people, family n friends I like... my mind wanders and is totally alone and restless. another oxymoron.

10. I love numbers and math. I am constantly adding up numbers in my head and totaling them up to find unique patterns. Its funny, my daughter is showing the same trait. 6:39 pm... she goes... Mom 6+3 = 9 and that's how the time reads now. EEE

11. I crave mental peace and am yet to find it.

12. I detest loud voices. Anger directed towards anybody... scares me.

13. I am a total drama queen.

14. I open my mouth and put my foot in it... 8 outta 10 times.

15. I am a great cook but consider it a big boring chore and HATE doing it. oxy...whaa? or did i say that 2X already! :)

16. If not writing code, I would want to be a 'radio talk show host.' I am a total conversation starter and I love to listen to peoples opinions on inane stuff. Courtney of Kiss957 is my idol.

17. I dislike turning on lights in the morning.

18. I judge. Ok ok! I am working HARD... very hard to ditch this.

19. My kids... my life begins and ends with them. They are my all. Without them, i would be a reckless recluse and living a hermit's life.

gag bag

I ain't a very organized person and all... or am I?

When out grocery shopping I find myself categorizing things i've bought while checking out. Like meats and frozen stuff go together. Dairy, juices, fresh produce n fruits stay green n clear off meats. Snacks / cereals / eggs make a happy pile. Soaps, Shampoos, Cleaners n household supplies bubble together.

i do this in the hope the bagger or clerk checking me out will bag it in the same groups. it annoys me when the kid at the counter doesn't notice my anal-retentiveness n is carelessly tossing things in with total disregard to my 'weirdness'
grrrr...

messed up... that kid or me??? EEE

Just Kiding

Sunday...
*7 am... waken up to warm pudgy hands around my neck n a wet sloppy kiss*
Rynu: Tell you what... you a good friend Mommy.
Me: lol! Aww! thank you bacha... so are you!

Monday...
*Rynu has a screwdriver n 7 hot wheels cars lined up...n is tinkering with them*
Rynu: Mommy.... i wanna be a car fixer... when i grow up.
Me: :) sure honey.... anything you wanna be!

Tuesday...
*we playing catch n throw with a little orange rubber ball*
Rynu: Mommy.... i wanna be a soccer player... when i grow up.
Me: EEEE.... errr OK... !

Wednesday...
Me: Ryna...wherez my...cell phone?
*my tea gets done n the micro wave goes beep beep beep in the background*
Rynu: It's in the micro wave... hihihi! *laughs at his own joke*

looking forward to... the rest of my week... life... with him...:)

dummies guide to... nirvana

slept at half past 2
woke at 8
tidied up some
cooked lunch of soup, tandoor chicken drum sticks n kerala style chicken curry
cleaned some more
forgot to eat breakfast
more crap to clean
*jeez... how dirty can my home get*
hit the shower....at half past noon
greeted the in-laws
sipped a coupla glasses of shiraz... while running on empty
nirvana!

that my recipe... to deal with out-laws

as this song settled in my head...red red wine

ps: don't get on chat with a loved one... when under the influence! EEE

my sabbatical

i took a 3 month sabbatical this summer and went home to visit family.

Boredom hit...within the first week! how bad is that?

what did i do... to fill in those empty hours... that ended up whizzing past...

the kids and i spent many an hour.... at the play area. swinging on the swings...higher n higher....listening to 'jai ho' ...over n over again.
mud cakes... sand castles... made 'em plenty plenty!

i even balanced on the see-saw with rynu... used my foot most times.
took up walking... in the evenings... n got toned some... all the while listening to songs on my player.

by the end of summer ... had made friends with some 25 kids in all. knew their names... grades they were in and heck! even the names of their teachers at school!

had to step in a coupla times... to break up silly squabbles... only to watch the kids go back to playing together in minutes...as if nothing happened...
oh! the sweetness of childhood.
we grown-ups hold on to so much mental garbage... don't we?

played dodge ball with some of the older kids... much to the surprise of the mommies... who hung out together... and of which i felt no 'part of'

made a nice pal...in rana... who was also vacationing in CBE with her kids. we struck it good... from the word get go. sweet parents ..so warm n welcoming. lovely kids...hers, so very polite and well behaved. was impressed instantly!
her doors were always open... for a cuppa coffee... n inane banter. loved that!

whole afternoons... spent blowing giant soap bubbles with rave, gayba n aman... while rynu n all the stay at home mommies napped.

sourced n read books... many Asian authors... Bhagath, Sidwa, Hosseini, even Bombeck... first time exploring their publishing's... enjoyed them all. Tnx to the friendly neighborhood family with the huge collection.

hit the movie hall pretty often... New York, Kambakt Ishq,Love Aaj kal n finally Kaminey. enjoyed the movies n the company more so.

shopped shopped n shopped some more. hunting for pretty terracotta wind chimes and silly jute seat chairs... which i lugged back home.

i missed being mobile... hated asking dad for a ride. loved the auto rides with rynu... who shrieked in delight at every bump. nothing like seeing the world from a kids point of view.

called, caught up with old pals... picked it up right from where we left off. met their kiddies... n bonded some.

spent three lovely days at BLR with pals from school n from my first job... made an a$$ of myself on day 3... tnk you pree n sree for being there for me. i so lost it that nite... didn't i? :(

burnt thru talk time... catching up with dear dear pals from my past over my mobile... chatting late into the night with my fave of 'em all.
enroute....replacing airtel with at&t on my phone... wrenched my heart out.
wiping out all the sweet tweets... i had stored.
Gosh! i do get attached to things... don't i?

hurts .. bad.. to leave home.

this line lingers in my head...even now

'kabhi thuje milke...lauta mera dil yeh... khaali khaali haat....