Rave

today my girl turned 7.




0-> 7. time flies. Happy 7th Birthday to my darling Rave!



My sis was the first to call n wish her... i was happy to be second in line.
as she lay cuddled in bed under the warm sheets, i kissed her awake and wished her Happy Birthday. While brushing her hair outta her eyes, i told her a bit of the beautiful day she was born...

'it was a cold winter day... snow lay piled all along the roads. I was in labor all day long. and you arrived at 8:05 pm... and you were the MOST beautiful baby I've ever seen'

i seem to get nostalgic today... which i don't on my son's b'day... even tho i had an easier childbirth experience with him.

Rave got to go on a play date at my friends house... some 10 kids. picked up a cake and she got to cut it, n all her friends sang 'happy birthday to you.. cha cha chaaa....'

she had a fun day.
hope her life is too.

Thank god for friends

i have been accused of over dosing on facebook way 2 many times... that it's not even funny anymore.

it got me thinking... on why i am such an fb junkie.

i've drifted apart from many dear frinds...
like most, i was too busy chasing a career, building a family... having kids... n before i realized... 10 - 15 - even 20+ years have passed since we touched base.

and i've realized... coupla thing....
how WRONG i was... about some of them.
and how RIGHT i was on a few others.

makes me wonder...is it my outlook that has changed in life...?

so i went to top notch schools growing up... and the girls i thot were total snobs then, are such dear dear sweethearts. i enjoy reading about them and sharing inane banter with them.

some others... were immature and its funny to see... they've remained the same.

will talk of a few here... of course anonymously.

Ms NoName... my first memory of a friend. i was 10 when i met her. jolly, vivacious, happy and so full of life love and laughter. her life long battle with weight hasn't killed her spirit. stayed the same.

Ms Garfield... very creative, witty and lovely smile. sharp mind, sharper tongue. stayed single and has stayed the same.

Ms Wit... way advanced for her age even at 15. sharp mind and witty. lived an adventurous life and is so hard working. stayed the same

Ms Docile... sweetness personified. wanted to be nun. life has thrown lemons the size of melons... divorced with 2 kids in tow. wish life had been kinder. just gotten stronger

Ms Flirt... helped me survive 4 yrs of dreaded college life... full of mischief, kind, numerous fans n easily distracted by love. went thru' bad relationships n has had to grow up SO fast and these days, helps me stay grounded.

Ms Geek... spoilt brat, studied hard, total geek and helped us all pull our grades up. turned cool n is now partying like there is no tomorrow. total flip!

Mr TDH ... dashing n caused quite a few hearts to flutter at school. a college romance that didn't withstand family pressure. no plan b in place when plan a failed. accepted lifez lemons with the perennial smile n has returned to his family base in a little remote village in India n is highly into community service. total flip!

Mr Arien... was grumpy most times. today is so grounded, full of life, family, wife, kid and can be so funny, that he cracks me up. gotten better with time!

Ms BLR... ever ready to go pub hopping, shopping... great times...stayed single and loving it. 10 yrs later... still pub hopping n happy n so very nice.

n the best for last
My Halkat... 20 yrs ... is a long time... n my first impression has stayed the same. today i realize.... its totally my loss :(

i am happy to be able to chat n stay connected with some of these lovely people everyday.

so ya... i am addicted to fb.
'coz my friends live in there.

'tis the season of no jolly - sequel

so...
kids had a blast...
gifts galore...
food flowed...
drinks overflowed...
motrin multiplexed...




<- featured here...GLEE! kids opening presents... a bird's eye view!



surprisingly ... it went pretty well.
i even held my claws back at the coupla snide digs made. woo-hoo! to me

all that effort n my gratification came in the form of the love and attention n quality time my kids got from / with their aunts, uncles n cousins.



herez the jing bang ->

so until next year...
Cheers!... to staying sane

'tis the season of no jolly

n the circus begins tomorrow.
family arrives... all 9 adults n 2 kids.

fridge stocked with food - check
house clean - check
fresh sheets - check
xmas gifts for all - check
rave bday set up - check
alcohol - check
motrin - check
my sanity ?

check back first thing Monday... to see if i survived.

tis the season of no jolly... fa la la la...la la f-u la!
toodles till then!

coupla firsts

in the decade I've lived here... 2 firsts for me.

I made a snowman with the kiddies.
*doesn't matter that the snow wasn't perfect snowman material n that it looked more penguin*

AND

shoveled 1 ft of snow off the car and around it.
*took me 2 attempts to clear it... had to stop to thaw my blue finger tips*

must say... it was frikkin F-U-N! EEE

life's lemons

its official!

NEVER EVER... EVER... make a decision about changing your hair's looks when you are low key.

it's NOT gonna help you feel better...EVER!

my trip to the salon... for hi-lights and a hair cut... turned me into Dr Seuss'z Grinch. Yikes!

after spending 3+ hrs sitting idle in a stoofid frikkin chair... i am now part red head and it gets worse... i have SHORTer hair than i like!

and NO I ain't sharing pics... BAH!

take home lesson ... go shopping instead.
you at least get to return the ridiculously over priced silly outfit you bought the next day.

PS: an old box of deep mahogany hair color... covered some of the red damage.
n my new shorter bob has knocked 5+ yrs off...!
so not ALL is BAD...:)

Kab ka... reality check

good / bad?

good... for the mind
2 bad... for the heart

it's never about the... rice

Time 8 pm...dinner conversation with Rave...my second grader.

Rave: Mom... my throat hurts.
Me: Uh-oh. Does it hurt to swallow food?
*remembering how the whole h1n1 flu started with sore throats*
Rave: a lill

Me: When did it start honey?
Rave: In the evening. err.... actually right after lunch. the mint rice made my throat itch.
Mom...
Me: ya?
Rave: Can you not pack mint rice for my lunch tomorrow?
Me: sure hon.


Rave: Mom... can i have cafeteria lunch at school tomorrow?
Dad: No.no no no no.... don't eat cafeteria food...

Me: Rave what would you like for lunch bacha? I can make it for ya. Dino shaped chicken nuggets, a jelly sandwich n box of juice sound good?
Rave: Oh Yaaaa!
*flashes big toothless smile*


sigh... my kid is embarrassed to eat rice at school :)

Nannu

9 years since Dec 16, 2000.


Shez gone and so is her pain. but she left us... with broken hearts.

whatz strange when I think back to the short year she lived after diagnosis is...

the pain was worse... the day the biopsy came back +ve for Ewing's Sarcoma.... than the day she passed.

more gut wrenching it was... to see her bald head the first time, with an iv running up her arm, laid up in a white hospital bed undergoing chemoT... than seeing her fast asleep with a smile on her lips... that last day.

heart breaking it was... to see her cry and cry and cry inconsolably, to leave for the hospital that one last time to never return home... than it was when she was lowered into her final resting place.

if my pain is so palpable now, after 9 long years... what are my sis and bil feeling?
i doubt... they will ever recover.


Nannu...
born 3/3/1991 - turned angel 12/16/2000
9 yrs 9 months and 12 days. a precious precious lill girl's short life.

Nannu...
today you fly with angels... but will always remain in my heart.
love you darling.

Myths

growing up... this stuff was so deeply drilled in my head that i still believe some of it!

1. Wake up on the right side of the bed... else your day won't go right *still believe in this*

2. I was adopted. *My oldest sis's FAVORITE taunt*

3. Bad omen if a black cat crossed your path.

4. Shampoo grayed your hair and so did soap. *i often wondered why the hair on our body didn't gray?*

5. White spots on your nails meant new clothes coming up. So did wearing your clothes inside out!

6. Cutting nails inside the house was bad. If someone were to step on it, you n that person would get in a fight. *i religiously collect nail clippings... still*

7. Swallow a pip and a tree would grow in your stomach. i lived in fear of the water melon seed i swallowed.

8. Tooth fairy and Santa.

9. All that i ate went to the growth of my long tresses... n thatz why i was so skinny as a kid.

10. Girls shouldn't whistle.

11. Cross your eyes and if a wind blew the same time, it would freeze your expression for LIFE!

12. My bicycle was coming next year.

13. Sneezing when someone said something would make it happen. *my mom still says this*

14. Put your right foot forward when entering a new place *still do this*

15. Eating rice grains meant rain on your wedding day. *i did... plenty n it didn't at mine*

Excerpts from a letter

Sounds cliched...but time does fly! especially when you are having a blast!

so what's made me happy n go EEEEEEEE all these years?

good company...
good sense of humor...
good wine...n now martini's!
fried chicken and kheema semiya biryani! lol!
the birth of my kids….
shopping….
watchin stand up comedy…
being outdoors...with r n r...
esp at the beach..
lying down on the sand n lookin up at the sky...
pristine blue skies...
watchin the puffy white clouds go by...can do it all day long!
the occasional airplane...glinting in the sun... carryin people to / away from loved ones…wondering where they are headed?
feeding silly sea gulls and greedy Canadian geese stale bread from my pantry...
oh! i love feeding birds...be it at the beach or the lake or at my back yard...its probably the nurturer in me kicking in! E
beach volleyball... fighting over points!
flying kites...n letting it soar up hi hi into the sky!
building sand castles...
collecting pretty shells...
watching spectacular fireworks on July 4th at the beach...
rolling up my pants n walkign alogn the waters edge....letting the sea weed tickle
picnics...on checkered blankets ...juicy crunchy green apples... cheap burgers n french fries from MickyD's.
click lotsa lotsa pictures ...for memories
oh darn!...this is turning into a glorified Julie Andrews 'these are a few of my favorite things...'

things I am yet to do at the beach….
Take Shamrock for a walk…
Dance with the senior citizens on a lazy Sunday afternoon…
Roller blade with the teen’s…

outdoors...it's where I am happiest!
sunshine..... welcome it!
water...love it!
wind...wanna fly with it!

In my early 20’s I would look at airplanes…n want to fly in them…to get away to the US / Europe…anywhere but India. Now I look at the same airplanes and wonder when can I go home! and the one statement that comes to mind is ‘be careful what you wish for…u JUST might get it!!!

I sit on this rock cliff at the beach n look at the horizon… thinking…I cross the Atlantic… n hop over a coupla continents and oceans and I can be home.
Seems simple enugh to do huh? yeah rite!

I anchored my kids lives here… knowlingly or unknowingly
I do love my life here… my friends…my work… love the freedom…the life style…
equal opportunities for all…regardless of age / race / color / wealth.
To be able to take a deep breath of FRESH air.
To be able to drive at 80+ m’s and not jolt over a pot hole.
To travel cross country with not a dime but just A credit card in my pocket…

Only in USA… I’ve seen a LONG line of cars with white collar corporate Americans, wait patiently during rush hour while a group of lazy we-ain’t-in-any-hurry-geese cross a busy street… (while I was annoyed)….I didn’t hear ONE toot nor any attempt to hurry them along!

I find plenty of happiness in the little things in life…..
But my heart does digress…
all i know is I have been lonely... all these years.
Every moment of my day I am surrounded by kids / friends / colleagues…
but that damned loneliness just don’t go away.
my days are so full... I have no time to think most days... but my mind mopes around.

So what more do I need…. In life???

19 random things about me

i saw this going around on fb and liked it a LOT.
herez random me...

1. I consider myself 'fat.' I check my wt / body fat and water percent EVERYDAY. every 0.2 lb / % change in any of the 3 numbers is obsessed over and so is every morsel i put in my mouth. 'Will i regret this tomorrow...' is a thot i have in my head ALL the time.

2. I start my day with listening to 'skanda shasti kavasam...' and a cup of coffee which i have to sit in isolation, to listen n sip in peace. NO MATTER how late i woke or how mad the rush is gonna get.... i do this for me.

3. I consider average...my intelligence, looks, career... n i am happy with that. BUT i have BIG dreams for my kids... who I want to see graduate out of Ivy League schools... Stanford, Yale, MIT, Harvard... if it doesn't happen... I shall disown them. Just Kidding :)))) i will be just fine. No pressure...no expectations.

4. I make friends easy coz I see only the good initially. I just as easily can get turned off by people especially when they make my claws come out... which I HATE to do. I hold grudges for long and find it tough to forget.

5. I enjoy simple joys. childlike is what i am mostly and am very easy to please.

6. My ideal date...A day at the beach. skipping rocks in the water...feeding hungry sea gulls... sleeping on my back n reading a book ...looking up at the blue blue sky... watching airplanes fly by...holding hands and walking along the waters edge...happy happy joy joy!

7. Kindness touches my heart. Touch my heart and you will see a beautiful person in me.

8. Painfully shy... but can yak non-stop n have a 100+ pals spread all over the world. oxymoron... thatz me!

9. I am so easily bored. Even when surrounded by people, family n friends I like... my mind wanders and is totally alone and restless. another oxymoron.

10. I love numbers and math. I am constantly adding up numbers in my head and totaling them up to find unique patterns. Its funny, my daughter is showing the same trait. 6:39 pm... she goes... Mom 6+3 = 9 and that's how the time reads now. EEE

11. I crave mental peace and am yet to find it.

12. I detest loud voices. Anger directed towards anybody... scares me.

13. I am a total drama queen.

14. I open my mouth and put my foot in it... 8 outta 10 times.

15. I am a great cook but consider it a big boring chore and HATE doing it. oxy...whaa? or did i say that 2X already! :)

16. If not writing code, I would want to be a 'radio talk show host.' I am a total conversation starter and I love to listen to peoples opinions on inane stuff. Courtney of Kiss957 is my idol.

17. I dislike turning on lights in the morning.

18. I judge. Ok ok! I am working HARD... very hard to ditch this.

19. My kids... my life begins and ends with them. They are my all. Without them, i would be a reckless recluse and living a hermit's life.

gag bag

I ain't a very organized person and all... or am I?

When out grocery shopping I find myself categorizing things i've bought while checking out. Like meats and frozen stuff go together. Dairy, juices, fresh produce n fruits stay green n clear off meats. Snacks / cereals / eggs make a happy pile. Soaps, Shampoos, Cleaners n household supplies bubble together.

i do this in the hope the bagger or clerk checking me out will bag it in the same groups. it annoys me when the kid at the counter doesn't notice my anal-retentiveness n is carelessly tossing things in with total disregard to my 'weirdness'
grrrr...

messed up... that kid or me??? EEE

Just Kiding

Sunday...
*7 am... waken up to warm pudgy hands around my neck n a wet sloppy kiss*
Rynu: Tell you what... you a good friend Mommy.
Me: lol! Aww! thank you bacha... so are you!

Monday...
*Rynu has a screwdriver n 7 hot wheels cars lined up...n is tinkering with them*
Rynu: Mommy.... i wanna be a car fixer... when i grow up.
Me: :) sure honey.... anything you wanna be!

Tuesday...
*we playing catch n throw with a little orange rubber ball*
Rynu: Mommy.... i wanna be a soccer player... when i grow up.
Me: EEEE.... errr OK... !

Wednesday...
Me: Ryna...wherez my...cell phone?
*my tea gets done n the micro wave goes beep beep beep in the background*
Rynu: It's in the micro wave... hihihi! *laughs at his own joke*

looking forward to... the rest of my week... life... with him...:)

dummies guide to... nirvana

slept at half past 2
woke at 8
tidied up some
cooked lunch of soup, tandoor chicken drum sticks n kerala style chicken curry
cleaned some more
forgot to eat breakfast
more crap to clean
*jeez... how dirty can my home get*
hit the shower....at half past noon
greeted the in-laws
sipped a coupla glasses of shiraz... while running on empty
nirvana!

that my recipe... to deal with out-laws

as this song settled in my head...red red wine

ps: don't get on chat with a loved one... when under the influence! EEE

my sabbatical

i took a 3 month sabbatical this summer and went home to visit family.

Boredom hit...within the first week! how bad is that?

what did i do... to fill in those empty hours... that ended up whizzing past...

the kids and i spent many an hour.... at the play area. swinging on the swings...higher n higher....listening to 'jai ho' ...over n over again.
mud cakes... sand castles... made 'em plenty plenty!

i even balanced on the see-saw with rynu... used my foot most times.
took up walking... in the evenings... n got toned some... all the while listening to songs on my player.

by the end of summer ... had made friends with some 25 kids in all. knew their names... grades they were in and heck! even the names of their teachers at school!

had to step in a coupla times... to break up silly squabbles... only to watch the kids go back to playing together in minutes...as if nothing happened...
oh! the sweetness of childhood.
we grown-ups hold on to so much mental garbage... don't we?

played dodge ball with some of the older kids... much to the surprise of the mommies... who hung out together... and of which i felt no 'part of'

made a nice pal...in rana... who was also vacationing in CBE with her kids. we struck it good... from the word get go. sweet parents ..so warm n welcoming. lovely kids...hers, so very polite and well behaved. was impressed instantly!
her doors were always open... for a cuppa coffee... n inane banter. loved that!

whole afternoons... spent blowing giant soap bubbles with rave, gayba n aman... while rynu n all the stay at home mommies napped.

sourced n read books... many Asian authors... Bhagath, Sidwa, Hosseini, even Bombeck... first time exploring their publishing's... enjoyed them all. Tnx to the friendly neighborhood family with the huge collection.

hit the movie hall pretty often... New York, Kambakt Ishq,Love Aaj kal n finally Kaminey. enjoyed the movies n the company more so.

shopped shopped n shopped some more. hunting for pretty terracotta wind chimes and silly jute seat chairs... which i lugged back home.

i missed being mobile... hated asking dad for a ride. loved the auto rides with rynu... who shrieked in delight at every bump. nothing like seeing the world from a kids point of view.

called, caught up with old pals... picked it up right from where we left off. met their kiddies... n bonded some.

spent three lovely days at BLR with pals from school n from my first job... made an a$$ of myself on day 3... tnk you pree n sree for being there for me. i so lost it that nite... didn't i? :(

burnt thru talk time... catching up with dear dear pals from my past over my mobile... chatting late into the night with my fave of 'em all.
enroute....replacing airtel with at&t on my phone... wrenched my heart out.
wiping out all the sweet tweets... i had stored.
Gosh! i do get attached to things... don't i?

hurts .. bad.. to leave home.

this line lingers in my head...even now

'kabhi thuje milke...lauta mera dil yeh... khaali khaali haat....

remembering

its a Saturday afternoon... and I am spending it with my sonna. we had lunch of leftovers... and watched his tv shows some. home bound coz of the bug we still seem to host... we are both soon bored.

we head upstairs... and he spots a piano stashed away at the back of his closet. i need to pull 10 things out of the way.. before i can get to the pink piano... which i know is broke. enroute to the pink piano, we pull out a pink cubby stowed away.. filled with toys the kids don't play with no more.

pretty soon... the two of us are lost. i am gathering all the wooden animal puzzle pieces... and my sonna is going for the blocks. we find alphabet magnets... a take home gift from my pal's twins first bday. As i stumble on each alphabet i hold it up and ask rynu what it is... and he gets them right each time. i am amazed... my kid knows his alphabets and most of the numbers too. woo-hoo! smart kid that!
i start collecting them... am missing 7 of the 26. EEE!

pretty soon we have piles of plastic building blocks, wooden blocks and alphabet magnets, pieces of one giant puzzle, and an assortment of Disney and nick jr characters. i even spot some of my missing jewelry :)
Oh! and we found a blue watch... which ryan sports and says he loves.
it was an x-mas gift from 3 yrs back ...to rave from her best friend.

ryan finds a snow white hair band and insists i wear it. i put it on... n ask him 'how do i look?' he goes... 'jusss like cinderella' :)

every toy.. has a memory attached to it. some broken... and i don't have the heart to throw it out. .. i am goign down memory lane remembering n feeling all nostalgic.
why is remembering so hard to forget?

Lifez a swine!

blazing fevers, body wracking shivers, sensitive nerve endings, dull headaches, chest ablaze, hacking cough, violent tummy cramps...

motrin, tylenol, some more tylenol, the damn talking thermometer that wont read a 2 digit number...back to more motrin.

2 to 3 days of fevers hovering at 104, one day of respite and back came the demon... to flame our bodies.

time to pay our respects to the dreaded waiting rooms of doctors and pedi's...

strep, pneumonia and then the dreaded h1n1... whatz your pick?
come take a whiff...@ 48 Homeside!

amoxicillin, erythromycin... antiB's... will that do the trick this time around?
lifez all about hope... ain't it?

back to the much hated talkin thermometer.... restless sleepless nights...blackening spells, breathing now an effort... drenched shams... stripping sheets... piles of dirty laundry...

frayed nerves... blazing tempers... low tolerances...
10 days and counting!
enuff... enuff already!

all i want is 1 hr.... 1 hr of respite...
of adult conversation... to help pull me out of this funk.

sar ka Taj

A new school year... a new teacher and the year's first parent visiting night.

My apt with Mrs D is at 740 pm. i pull on my fave levi's and slip into a pretty semi casual banana republic blouse... the teachers at school dress formal. i wanna look my best. my hair is freshly washed and i have a 'feel good' feel about me.
i am running early... i like being early coz i hate to keep people waiting.

Mr H, the principal is at the front doors...greeting parents and is full of cheer. Forest school PTA is set up front... selling some stuff. i don't pay attention as i make my way to room 8. another parent is with Mrs D. I kill time checking out the bulletin board outside Rave's room. The wall is filled with the kid's assignment on 'my favorite law'...along with each child's picture. My kid thinks the best law in the country is 'to not steal.' :)

i smile to see the prints i sent in to Mrs D of the Halloween pics i clicked of rave and her class are featured on the board as well.

740... Mrs D walks out to greet me... as she walks the other parent out. I love how polite people are here. We shake hands warmly and sit down. The small talk is qickly done...Mrs D has a sore throat... from having talked to 20+ parents ...all day long I bet.

She walks me through Rave's grades... comprehension, vocabulary, reading, grammar, spelling, and math. my kid has aced the grade mostly. a coupla 80's. No surprises here.

Mrs D goes on to tell me... what a wonderful kid my girl is.
To quote her 'Calista is my best student.. She is so polite and well behaved. I wish all my kids will be like her. I know its not fair to say this...but there are times when i tell my kids to look at Calista and try to be like her'
I can feel the tears hit my eyes... i say something funny to ease the moment.
I walk away on cloud nine.

on the way out i stop at the PTA desk... to buy an arms length of raffle tickets. as always i am outta change and grope for 25c to get ONE ticket instead. i scratch my name n number n drop it off... without caring to ask what or when the draw was.

I hit the grocery store to pick up milk n cookies... when my phone goes 'Jai ho'
apparently i won ... n my prize... a 'turkey basket'
i am asked to come pick it up. i double back... while listening to 'yeh... tumari meri baatein... hamasha yuhi chalthi rahe....' as my mind wanders home... to the sender of this beautiful song.

the basket weighs a ton...has a whole lot of goodies... for a wholesome thanksgiving meal for 10.
20 pd turkey... gravies, stuffing's, sauces, veggies, mashed potato, thin mints, pumpkin pie filling, even juice.

i am thankful today... for my girl... my sar ka taj.
i plan to say thanks... by donating the turkey basket to the local soup kitchen.

flowers...

love them n all.. but prefer them on plants more than stuck in a dumb vase / flower arrangement... total eye-candy them! ugh!

today i ended up doing the super mushy thing...
sending not just flowers..but roses! for a dear pal's b'day.
Yuck! how uncreative.
Well in my defense... it was originally gonna be a BIG jar of...Horlicks!
YA! you read rite! Horlicks! but sigh! ...it wasn't meant to be.
apparently only flowers n cakes make the cut for a 'ta-da... midnite surprise'! :)

Chocolate... I get! But often wonder whats the significance of gifting someone flowers?

Hey Honey... its your birthday and look what i cut off the plants.
i love you so... and what better way to express it with, than flowers... !

or...
we are getting married... lets decorate ourselves with flower garlands... n hey while we are at it..lets even stick some all over the freaking stage and put some at each table.

or...
Oh Lord!... you are dead now... here...smell the flowers... n RIP.

till date i can't bear the cloyingly sweet perfume of jasmine... it reminds me of my Gran-dad's passing... and another event i rather forget.

and whatz worse is those beautiful n sweet smelling flowers... die in a week!
How symbolic is that... of the feeling it was given with in the first place? ha!

Now that the flowers died on me...what do i do with it?
press some in a book to save for eternity or... carelessly toss them out?

I once had a bouquet of summer blossoms sitting on my sunny window sill at work for many months...only 'coz i didn't have the heart to toss it out.
Various hues of yellows and browns it turned... until someone at the next cube complained of going 'aa-aa-aacchooo' to my nurtured fossils... Bless You!

so puhleease...! Save the $ for a more creative cause and spare me the flowers.

I enjoy them more in their natural habitat n splendor... n so do the birds n the bees and butterflies... who get to feast on it ...honey :)

passion @ crossroads

every time passion has hit...I've pursued it with..well!... passion.

passion @ 17
my earliest memory of flunking is from hi-school. I flunked a class math test. Most of my scholastic life I was an average student to say the least... education was just something I went thru 'coz all kids went to school.

who cares if there's an equal and opposite reaction to every action...huh, huh huh???

liked English much... coz it had stories... history too. loved memorizing dates those bloody wars were fought even while wondering whatz the point in learning about the past?
Geography / Physics n Chem... mildly interesting as well.
ok i digress...
back to math... so in some 12+ yrs of education I flunk a test...for the first time. n Dad decides it was time i took tuition's.
WTF! ME n tuition's? Wasn't tuition ONLY for dumb kids...???

MATH...rude awakening - part 1.
Went after it... with passion.
trigonometry...calculus..algebra... thinking in the abstract...suddenly made sense.
Fibonacci.. Pythagoras... Calculus... my new crushes.
i went after it... n A'ced the grade.

Ditto... with getting into Engineering school.
got done with college.. and inertia struck.
No goals... no motivation. Floated around some... got stoofid jobs that didn't need much brain power... only coz all my pals were working. quit each one of em in a year or less. fickle... n clueless... was i?

Marriage...passion strikes!
@ 23..i meet the man... i want to marry. Passion again. Single mindedly pursued it... against all odds n opposition... rude awakening - part 2.
stood stubbornly my ground... went thru' n got hitched.
about this time... i got a job as a developer... stuck to it. heck...even enjoyed it... must be the early love for math that helped make sense of spinning objects methods n classes in a world of geek'dom :)

CLP... passion consumes my life...again.
5 prometric exams.. in a span of 40 days... all aced on the first shot.

Switzerland...destination Uno! love at first sight.
one giant picture post card....all around.
Worked and played in paradise... for a bit.

USA... dream destination since age 20...made it at 28.
pursued it with passion.. so much of it.
first project fizzled out in 6 mnths... wasn't ready to pack my bags n head home. went after my next... with aggression. 9/11 happened n the country was rocked by its foundation. jobs were few n far in-between... esp. for an 'alien' on a work visa. got it and stuck it out... for 8 long yrs.

Kids... passionately ...wanted three in all.
took 4 yrs of waiting...to get started on the first. second came along after 3 more yrs of pursuing...n panicking about the ticking biological clock. relent came in on one condition.... only if its a he! with google aplenty and tracking the symphony for over a year passionately... made it.

now... while standing at crossroads.
inertia... passion... rude awakening...all strike the same time... at the core.
helpless, vision less and...
n its funny, could care less...this time

Childlike

I have this long standing observation... Childish vs childlike

Like most Mom's... with 2 kids and all I have some 10yrs of 'work' experience... ... in dealing with 'childish' emotions.

hurt feelings / hi drama / temper tantrums
I'm first / What about me? / That's MINE ... :)

but in the 7 years of being Mom... the childlike ones have touched me the most.
excitement...
free expression of emotions and thoughts...
simple joys...
be it for a Popsicle or a lady bug...
jumping in rain water puddles...
saving the first red leaf to 'fall' to the ground...
sticking your tongue out @ the first snow fall...
that special note at Mother's day...
the sweet picture of a smiley face sun drawn with so much effort ....
the half asleep...'i love you Mom's'...'you are beautiful Mom....' that i get all the time (lucky me :)

I think that's what makes life beautiful...
to be 'childlike'
which I take every opportunity to be ... with my 2 brats :)

Boo!

Diwali.... then Halloween... followed by the dreaded DLS.

'tis the season... to feel crappy ... err Jolly! :)

My kids are so enthusiastic about Halloween... and I can see why.

Growing up in India... Diwali was my fave festival. And I can't stop drawing similarities between these two cool celebrations that happen in 2 different parts of the world...

Diwali... brought in with new clothes.. for the whole family
Halloween... costumes for all... young and old

Diwali... festival of lights & fireworks
Halloween... think Boo & Spook effect

Diwali... dress-up and bring home made sweets to friends and family
Halloween ... wait till dusk to dress-up n go 'trick or treating' with friends to homes in the 'hood

Diwali... a celebration of the destruction of evil
Halloween... a celebration of all things evil :)

still... why does my heart crave Diwali more?
Substitutes... them never work... even if better :)

so there... Boo!

24 hrs

thatz all it took...
to go from :( to :)

manufacturing defect or made perfect. depends on your outlook in life.

This time back home... hooked up with old buddies...from hi-school, college n my early 20's.

with the reminiscing that happened...we went down memory lane... with stories from the past... of the mad things... I did.
from dancing on a table @ Purple Haze in BLR...fun and sweet letters i wrote...to wading into the Bay (of Bengal) at hi-tide... at 12 midnight... n not knowing to swim.
Jeeeez-a-lu! what was I thinking?

I have no recollection of most of these mad times... and remember thinking...
'I DID that?' you gotta be kidding me!!

childlike n simple joys...
when?... did I cease doing and enjoying them
why?... did I forget to be mad

I seem to have made a total transformation in my whole outlook to life...
somewhere in my mid 20's.
the same time I broke off ties... to my past.

along with breaking ties I also seem to have broken off some core things.
and what amazes is...that realization is coming ONLY NOW!

choices... by choice.
consciously? perhaps... not
growing up... getting responsible... happens to us all :)

24 hours... if its all one got to live this life... I will go back home.
home...to where my heart is.
home... with who I can be myself.

Basic...Instinct

There is this colleague of mine, Ann who follows the life cycle of Monarch's and works with the 'Monarch watch' program @ The University of Kansas.

more here -> Monarch watch

Ann has larvae / caterpillars / chrysalis at various stages of growth at her cube.
One slow afternoon @ work... i got to watch 'live' a monarch emerge outta its chrysalis. Outta this dark pupa emerged this most amazingly graceful black n orange fella... flapping its wings ever so slowly n gracefully.

While i was wonderin how we gonna let it out the building if he starts flyin about... Ann tells me that his wings were still wet n needed to dry before he could actually take flite.

Ann peals off a tiny round sticker n puts it on its wing and if you strain real hard... you can see the tag in the pic on the left here.
She went on to explain the fascinating journey this little being will take...
and what A journey he will soon go on...

read more here -> A Monarch's wonderful journey

Apparently this lill fella will migrate to Mexico for the winter n make his way back to maybe Texas / Louisiana by early spring next year. It's wings thread bare by this time... with most of the scales havin fallen off from its long arduous cross country flite.
n i thot ALL butterflies lived only 48 hrs!!! how philistine of me :)

And Ann gives me a caterpillar to bring home to my kids to watch grow into a Monarch... and while i'm holding this tall dunkin donuts cup with an inch of water in it n a twig of milk weed with The cat' hi up on one of the leaves... happily chewin away to glory... i am wonderin to myself...
'hmm... this seems way more complicated than i bargained for. what if i kill it or something???' EEE!

I recollect havin a similar thought when I left the hospital some 48 short hrs after Rehwa was born...
'Whhhaaaatt??? My Doc is sending me home already? HOW will i KNOW how to care for a fragile lill baby...?'

and its like Ann can read my thot's or somethin. She hands me a bunch of papers... 3 in ALL!
Instructions...I can deal with that!
I seem to be dysfunctional w/out instructions these days...
can't drive w/out road signs / a GPS anymore...
what can i tell ya... some of the (few) hazards of livin in NA! E!
so anyways... the 'paperwork' ;) that my Cat' came with details everything i need to know ... on how to care for this black n yellow stripey 'worm' :)

I handle the cat' like i'm treadin on egg shells. I even drive slow the 1 hr drive home.. lest he fall off n crawl under my foot!
n bring it home to my kids... who are fascinated to say the least! Rave promptly showz it off to all the kids in the 'hood n then the big ? comes up...
What shall we call it??
which isn't too tuff... as all this lill fella was doin was chewin away....
it gets tag'd 'Chewy' :)

We wake up this am... n run down to make sure Chewy is doin ok... n has not wandered off on to a window sill or doorway!
Hez stayed put n had quite a busy nite... worked his way thru 2.5 large leaves overnite... n pooped all over the table.. oh darn! :)
see the missin top leaves from the prev pic?
n is it my imagination... or did he grow overnite? EEE!
n look...he now has a paper towel under his digs... for easy clean up!
n i just got done with potty trainin Ryan... lol! it never ends hah?!

so it got me thinkin on instinct... how is it that this little being knowz what it needs to do? which path it needs to fly... to escape the cold winters... n come back home? apparently it takes 3 or more generations for a monarch to work its way back to CT.

how did i know... when Rehwa was hungry... when she needed to be held... why was she cryin... what her 'needs' were?

instinct... to be able to feel ... to reach out... to nurture... to do the rite thing... to fly... to live!
isn't that beautiful... that we have it in us?

Auto... Jai Ho!

what is it to 'see' India from the eyes of a 3 yr old?

This visit home... I got to experience it first hand... with Ryan!

Ryan takes this fascination for autos... and would shriek in delite... just lookin at one.
many a time i had to drag him cryin into Dad's car... from where he was sanding literally 'droolin' over an auto!

One of my pals asks him 'So Ryan... whatz it that you love about auto's?'...
and its Rehwa who comes up with an explanation...
she goes 'I think he likes how bumpy it is.'


while ridin in an auto Ryan goes... 'Ma...a bump... yeahhhh....! another humongous bump.... yeaaah'!!!

n this is what a ride in one of India's staple transportation is like with my Rynu....


CHK OUT HIS EXCITEMENT...

simple joys... isn't that what life is ALL about?

Coimbatore

Home…
is a lill town tucked away at the foot hills of the western ghats
Cbe…so much has changed…. And so much has stayed…. the same.

The mountains….stayed put!

Thatz what works for me.
regal n blue…
go where you may… they follow you….like the moon….
Silent n tall…



I often dream of wakin up to the view of one of them mountains… n sippin a hot cuppa joe!

Life ho tho aisa….!


Race course…. So changed!
Race Course is the new x cut road….
What once were colonial houses… sprawling mansions set on an acre … childhood haunts… good friends homes…have turned into jazzy concrete multi storey buildings…buzzing with traffic n a road bump every 100 yards! Ughhhh!!!
I scan the crowds…. looking for a familiar face… wonder where people moved to?

Weather…stayed the same.
Pleasant nippy early mornings… breezy nites…
Having set foot on many an airport across the world…
and nothing to beat cbe airport.
Step off the aircraft…n regardless of the time of day…
I am greeted with this gentle pleasant breeze …
it engulfs me…like an old friend…welcoming me home…with a calm hug.
CBE airport….hate it n love it just as much.
love it when I land…
hate it soooo.......when its time to leave.

CBE Residents… no longer the same
CBE seems to have attracted rural folks from neighboring villages… n the genre of folks I grew up with seem to have vanished…for good… takin the class outta CBE.

See what I mean???


Need (I say) any more? Lol!

pSST.... this is in RSPuram... what used to be THE place to hang out!



Cbe… will always be home
Will I ever come back to live here…?
nope... not my cuppa daily needings! EEE

Walk the talk… Who Me?

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 6; the sixth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Working for an environment company, my key areas of focus the last 8 years has been Environment Health & Safety… EHS for ya!
That’s all I do for a living… develop and implement custom made applications that help my clients record / meet their EHS goals. Applications that keep track of their Incidents, Fatalities, Near Misses, Close Calls… damn even frikkin First Aid cases!
I have lived and breathed RIR / SR / OSHA for so many years now… it’s not even funny anymore!

And every year I’ve met my self inflicted EHS goals…earning awards and kudos in my quest for a safer world!
Observation & Feedback's… am spot ON!
Safety Brown Bags… dig ‘em!
Short on a Safety Minute at meetings? have one in my back pocket… every single time!

You can count on me to bust your chops… if you aren’t sitting right at your desk… ask Colleen… my acrobatic colleague!
self imposed safety patrol...thatz me! Not just coz its drilled so deep into my brains in the last 8+ years… but also coz of the impact it has had on my work / life in the past.
(i digress… this is sounding like I am makin a pitch on my resume for an EHS coordinator job!)

Well you get the picture!

So…what stoofid thingy did I do… to land a second degree ankle twist?????

So I am out shoppin… one sunny afternoon at the mall!
It’s been a good 2 hrs since I left home… got Rave n Ryan summer clothes n sandals...
n Esha some lovely girly dresses!
While I am tryin on jeans … and am euphoric to have dropped a whole size in the Gap long-n-lean collection… the spell is broken with the phone ringin…!
(Rolling my eyes here!)
I haven’t gotten past 3 things on my check list and 2+ hrs have passed.
Damn… I better forget the jeans… it can wait! maybe I'll get thinner!!!
(am all dreamy eyed n fantazizing here!!! hihi!)
And I head down to hunt down walking shoes… for Mom.
Awwwwwwwwwwww!!!! Find a pair I LOVE… for myself! Grab them… n head back.
(Ok am actually running now…)
Get my car outta the lot… when the thot hits me… maybe they have the same sneakers in Mom’s size. They ain’t the Nike’s I wanted for her…but…what the heck…she may love them as much as I do.
So I park again…this time closer to the shoe store.
Cut thru JCPenny’s n spot the escalator…coming up.
Err! but I need to head one floor down…
The escalator goin down is round the other side of the store… damn!

Decide to take the escalator that's comin up… to go down!
I got my Grande café latté in one hand… n I am climbing down.. n down ..n down..
Damn… I don’t seem to be makin much progress here. (Duh!)

n therez a coupla kids. ..who are at the bottom...waiting for this mad person to hop off… before they board. I lose patience… n in that one brain-freeze-moment decide to jump the last coupla steps…
N I did!!!
N guess what…?
(how DARE?!)...it moved! The spot I was shootin for! Ouchi-EEE!!!!

The kids who were waiting patiently (read 'kids' n 'patient') were good enuff to ask me if I was doin ok.
I hear myself sayin 'Ya.. I’ll live!' (Me puttin on a very brave front here)
I set my coffee down n wait a coupla minutes…all doubled up in pain… till I can muster up some long lost dignity... to hobble out the store.

I spot the first bench outside n crash out…when I start seein black, I start reaching for my cell phone… my first thot…is to hand my phone to the woman sittin near me… n tell her…call the number listed under home…n tell em...‘I……pppp…pas…ssss…eddd…out!’

among all the thots racing thru my pea sized brain…I start to feel my blood fast receding out my head… a numbin blackness envelops my eyes...a tingling numbness hits the back of my neck… I do remember the trick…from my low bp days…to put my head down between my knees…n start prayin…that it passes…!

It felt like ages… The whole 2 mins that passed…n I did get OK!
EEE! the blood musta’ started poolin at my sprained ankle…n it was cutting off the flow to my brain or somethin’ dramatic like that!
(More sheepish EEEE’s here!) Am I a good quack or what?!

So any sane person here…would head back home…or…maybe 'yelp for help'…rite?
Not me…!
I’m thinkin’...well if I broke soemthin… I ain’t gonna be able to do this no more…n I am here…so I mite as well…get more stuff off my list.
Go back to the shoe store…search hi n low…n don’t find the sneakers in Mom’s size (BIG time pout here!!!)
Hobble back all the way… This time am sane enuff to take the elevator to the second floor!
Get in the car…n try startin…

Ouchie Mamma! I can’t seem to push the brake to crank the engine….with my right foot!
Try to nevertheless…
N drive at a snails pace (if u know me - this is the tuffest part... drivin below 80milz is pure TORTURE!) to Sport’s Authority… limp in… the guys there…help!
One goes n finds me all the Prince rackets in the store…brings back 3 of ‘em…n confuses me more!
Why do we have SO many choices in life!!!! Hmmmphhh!!!
Gosh …my head’s spinnin again… this time with colorful rackets!!!
We match the 10 specs. I have written down in my chicken scrawl... that even I can't seem to read / comprehend in all that pain!
power level / head size / balance / length / graphite full stroke / blah blah ...
jeez! tennis rackets are way too over rated i tell ya!!!
my boy... is gonna play good ol' soccer... for sure! EEE!
I finally remember it’s the ‘Prince Triple Threat OS SCREAM-MMM’ that Shan wanted…n the guy at the store goes…’This is itttttttttt…!’ pickin up the black n yellow bumble bee like racket.
Hmmm… Looks weird! But what the heck…. That’s what Shan wanted... that’s what he gets!
Grab it…pay for it… n limp back.
Drive again at snails pace…
Half way home…figure out… ‘gee I can press the brake with my left foot too… u know’
The tricky part came when my brain forgot to tell my rite foot to get off the accel when my left was stepping on the brakes!!!
(big light bulb flashin moment here...!)
hmmm! no wonder we use the same foot…to accel’rate AND decel’rate!
EEEE!

Anyways…long drive short… got home… Safe!
Without further damage to me or other fellow motorists.

The shoes / sandals that I spent 2 hrs hunting down…fit Rave n Ryan! Ta-daaa!!!!

and do you know what my self floggings… mental spanks...about the one MAJOR regret of the day was about?
I forgot my latte... when i left Penny's! what a shame hah?!
lol!

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Nach baliye!

So... Rave does this dance recital... the last 3 years.
i got her into it when she was 4.

Then...it seemed a fun thing to do... for her!
Now...it seems more fun... for ME!!! :)

I have like minded GF's who enjoy the whole experience...
from pickin a song... to choreographing the dance (with tons of stuff to lift from youtube!!!) ... to the costumes (I love this part the most!)...its 2 months of team work!
Yeah..ya... we do disagree...but mostly we agree!

and this year...some of my GF's were seriously contemplating gettin on stage to dance!

I suffer from MAJOR stage frite.... brrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! just thinkin of gettin on stage can give me sweaty palms! no kiddin!
so when urged to do it...i was like 'err...thanks ...but no thanks!' types!

But it doesn't stop me from havin this impression... of myself..
that i am not just a good... but a GREAT dancer!
'coz its my genius at work for most of the dance moves!

n at one rehearsal... i set up my digicam to tape us dancing.
OHHHHHHHH MAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn!!! was it HILARIOUS or what!!!

it's been a month now... n i'm STILL ROFL!! watchin the train wreck!
and NO I ain't sharing the good stuff!!!

here's 2 clips off of Rave's performance this year tho' for you to n-joy!

goin by the whistles... the dance was a HIT huh?!!!

I'm goin home!

its been just 18 months since I last visited... and my roots beckon...already!

In the 8+ yrs I have lived away from home, I have been home twice.
Yep! just twice all these years! never felt the need nor the desire to go back home! n the 2 times i visited was after rave n ryan's arrival...and it was only to show off the kids to family... no other reason!

But now.......... i cant seem to wait!

i even have a silly countdown on ticker factory!!!

i am so distracted with this whole goin home phase of my life....that i almost blew off important dates this month!
First i forgot Shan's bday... but managed to wish him at 7 pm his time!!
and today I did it again.... this time my parents wedding anniversary :(
called 'em just as they were sitting down for DINNER!!! how bad is that!!!

and I have always been caller numero UNO...to wish family... being 10 hrs behind!!!