faker

i fake it...
ALL the time

crumbling inside... but EEE outside

sit n counsel pals...
when i am the biggest non-believer
in the holy grail...
n here i am ...reveling n celebrating the reason .... for the season

am low n out
n no one can say
from how hyper n happy i seem

wtf cares ...anyways
;)

tuff ?s

while my girl wants to know what it means to be 'gay'
my son wants to know about God and death...

what happens when a person dies?
how does God come into our house?
Where do we go after we die?
Why can't i see god?

being agnostic myself .... n a total liberal at heart... i find it tuff....

to answer these ?s and express my views on them AND be 'politically correct' at the same time...
esp when the dad is a die hard religious believer in Christ

oh well... !
Amen!

to...estrange

today a total stranger called me... selfish

i was steaming... but politely told the 'stranger' there is no need to be rude... and walked away.

must say... it took every ounce of self control to not show her my middle finger n swear 'eff off bitch..!'

felt pretty good about myself

its funny...

how when we are upset... we resort to character assassinations
name calling...
sure fire way to estrange oneself from a relationship

Ryan One Liners

Clutching his chest, the lill fella comes to me n goes...

Mommmeeee....i got hurt. Is my heart broken?
Rave n I rolled off the bed laffing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i go...'No honey... heart break doesn't happen from hurting yourself over the soft bed. its when you are hurt from feelings you have'

Mommmeeeee.... will it be fixed soon?

Yes honey... it takes some time to recover from heart break. but you will be fine.

Ry: Do I have to go to the doctor to get it fixed?

*rofls...all over again*
how does he even know that word....'heart break'?! huh-huh-huh?!
......................

Mommmeeee... I can spell November...
Me... Is it?
Ryan goes... N - O - V - E - M - B - E - R
*almost faints here *

OMG... Ryan you are a genius!!!! big hugs n a 100 mwa's later... i look up to see my girl's face as sultry as thunder....

oh well! a 4 yr old who can spell a 8 ltr word IS a genius.... suck it up rave!
E

the week that was...

spent 4 days ...in bed
antibiotics .. helped kick me from outta the comforts of my blankets...
i kinda like being sick... for a day maybe... :)

this time...
not an ounce of will power to rise n shine.
wanted the world to open up and swallow me... types

a dear GF called n said..'i'm sending you food'

see i like that...
a real friend is one ...who wants to help n says...'i'm sending u stuff...'

she sent me a TON of YUMMY stuff ...which helped me tide 2 nites ...without having to fix dinner.

got well...n went overboard...n tried to wash 2 comforters in one load... n broke the washer in the process. there's now a puddle of water in the basement n the stoofid thing wont spin.. oh GREAT! just what i needed

ryan's been peeing everyday in his pants...
it used to be in his sleep... but now its when hez awake too...ugh!
i pick him up Wednesday from school... to see him in purple pants n pink shoes.... DOUBLE frikkin UGH!
*i didn't pack a change of clothes after the Monday incident*

while i want to tear my hair n scream...
all that i read says ...'patience'
patience.... that's what being a parent is. if u don't have in like a million tons...save urself some trouble .... n DON'T have kids.
that-a-my-2cents

work was good... i had a long talk with my hiring manager. she thinks my boss is working on a position for me. we talked at length of her 5 kids...one of 'em being special needs... 2 failed marriages... getting married for health insurance....managing kids n career.... living in orange... a community of rich kids n how much it sucked...
i can't complain at all in life... to some of the journeys my peers have been on... :(

then what did i do...

i had a 30% off coupon from gap... n totally enjoyed shoppin the store...
for the first time i tried their 'real straight' version as to my usual 'long n lean' jean collection. picked up some basic long sleeved t's n some ruffled stuff from H&M.

hung out at the same gf's place Sat nite... was so chill! good food... good drink... good company...

Sunday went shopping again... to return stuff..E

shopping with my GF was so much fun... she helps me pick up fun stuff...that i would never want to impulse purchase ... got a coupla lovely earrings n a silly baby doll kinda cotton top ... wonder wtf i will wear it...! maybe on vacation :)

Rave's baby sitter who watches her after school is moving... back to square one ... lookin for someone to watch her 3 days after e-kool! man... life can be easy sometimes...just sometimes... tell ya... :(

back to house hunting... what shud be a joy... is the most stressful event in my life

another week awaits.... n life goes on

and the days go by...

Mom...Justin, a boy in the next class likes me.
How do you know?
This other girl in my class, told me so... in the bathroom. And the other day at recess, Justin's friend called out to me n said 'Justin likes you...' n Justin closed his friends mouth..saying 'sush...'
How cute! I want to now meet Justin.
* he has to pass THE mommy test... before he can 'like' my kid...hihi*

Mom... what does gay mean?
*pretending to be daft* it means to be happy n jolly.
No.. the 'other' meaning...
Where did you hear it?
On the bus...some of the other kids were talking of it...what does it mean?
It means a boy who likes another boy... or a girl who likes another girl.
Is that bad Mom?
Not really... feelings you have for someone or something come naturally... so its just fine.

Diwali came n went... how come I miss home the most at this time...
do i even think of home... at say... Bday's...New Years ... Xmas... Shankranti...Easter... fun Summers... Halloween...?

is it coz Diwali is all about celebrating with family...
why am i so dependent on family / friends to make me happy?

the only relationship for life..is what i will have with myself..
hm.... wonder why i got married... had kids then?
social pressures?

work

is great! it keeps my mind occupied 8 whole hours... n i SO love that

no time to ..
eat outta boredom
to pee... until i have to race to the loo
idly browse fb n such other crap

i even forgot to call Rave's baby sitter n tell her shez got the day off.. poor woman called in panic wondering if Rave was safe... ugh! i'm bad

i am writing the best code i have ever written in my life...
n i so wanna brag of it..i miss 'grunch'...the developer geek group from my previous job n the brown bags we would present at lunch time once a week...to show off shiny code one of us wrote... n the rest of us will tear it apart... throwing new ideas on the table... geek'dom...sigh!

i tried to show the other developer at work...whoz legacy stuff it is i am stripping down n cleaning up.... he was just relived to see me restructure the monster he ended up building over the years... piling on code over more code to take care of constantly moving targets.... poor guy! hez a saint!

i have eliminated some million lines of code with some 100 lines of brilliantly thought of carefully crafted genius logic! pat pat..on my back!

viola... i feel well worth every penny i bill per hour!
thatz whatz job satisfaction...

someone once said to me...
work for the pleasure of it...
i truly am... finally!

soul mate

to sense...
to ask...
to reassure...
to be there

to give before ...taking
to want the other to be happy... n that making you happy

that which comes naturally...

thatz my definition of a 'soul mate'

10 reasons...

to not go to a new school...

1. But I'll miss you SO much.
2. It won't be the same
3. They don't have the vTech tv game there
4. They don't have roller skates like i have here at home
5. There will be no pretty plants at school
6. What about my cars... they'll be lonely without me
7. But I love you so much... and will miss you
8. I'm scared
9. I donno... I have a bad feeling about this...
10. Noooooo *clutching the seat belt from being removed*

10 minutes at the play yard...
climbing up and down the slide ...
watering tomato and watermelon plants with his teacher...
riding a tri cycle...

'Mommy... i kinda like it here'

Alrighty then...cya Rynu... I'll be back in an hour.

fast forward... to 1 hour later...

Mommy... i LOVE my new school!

*EEE*

life's good

Ryan had an awesome b'day bash! 19 kids n some 20+ grown ups... made for one helluva party time.

My girl friend's back from India. We are back to hangin out doin lunch... n giggling... n swimming...n hitting the beach for long walks.

Took Ryan along for a doc apt. I swear...my kids pull thru for me when I need it the MOST! The boy was so frikkin well behaved... even the doc noticed n complimented me.

Rave is into wearing skinny jeans... n hi'heels n lip gloss... to school!
what next? 'Mom can I go on a date...?!'... can't wait! * to say NO!*

'nother kid bday party tmrw... lazer tag n go-carts... shud be fun!

n am feeling the love n care of dear onez

life's good

Hilarious stuff

Observed today...

Ryan...standing in front of the dresser...
very serious faced and all..
hands clasped together... eyes closed...praying...
going 'munu munu munu...munu'
for a whole minute
opens his eyes....
touches the Mother Mary statue on the dresser and says...
'Father....bless me'

Then... he picks up the fluorescent Velankani idol next to Mother Mary's idol...
and goes 'hey...who'z this guy?!'
puts it down...touches the idol...n repeats...
'Father....bless me'

My New Girl Friend

I now have one... in my girl!

I spent the last coupla days 'back to school' shopping with Rave.
What an awesome experience!

Rave is so clear ...about her choices.
She has great sense of style and on the buck for current styles.
She isn't brand focused nor is she into character stuff like iCarly / whatever.
And she could care less what her friends wear ... have.

Picking folders... She liked a purple jazzy one with shiny dots. She later found another one with art-decco styling and liked it more. When I pointed her to yet another design... she goes
'Mom stop confusing me. I like what I picked'

same for pants... shoes... back pack... many styles... many more colors... don't faze her ONE bit!

If something she picks is way over priced... and I explain to her why I can't buy it for her, she so gets it and doesn't sulk at all. :)

She picks ONE and her choice is made. NO second thoughts.
I SO LOVE THAT!
* I still have trouble... with choosing. and will stand for hours... trying to decide which color / style is better*

Whatz great for me is... I only have to point her to what we need and she is making the decisions for herself. I am so loving that! that she can choose wisely AND that I don't have to make the decision.

even with food...
what would you like to eat Rave? pizza... burger... hot dog?
She goes...'I had a burger yesterday... I'll go with the hot dog today. Don't forget the soda'

She goes n seats herself on a bar stool and waits patiently. Sips her soda... and just is so basically calm. She doesn't nag at all!

I love it! I now have a girl friend in my dotter...
and am gonna enjoy many many years of shopping with her :)

Ryan One Liners

at the beach... Ryan wants to feed his bacon cheeseburger to the sea gulls... rather than relish it himself.

do i have a choice... after he has kicked 'sand' on to the open 'which'?!

break it up in pieces and let him fling it.
his pudgy hands can't fling the light pieces far... and the greedy gulls are hesitant to come anywhere close to pissed off Mommy!

a couple venture close enuff... to grab a bite ..

Ryan goes.... 'That's my boy! you got it.... !'
----------------------------

Ryan comes up to me looking really worried...

Mommy... akka says .... whatz that word?....*wrinkling up his face... racking his brains* ... canceling my birthday.

rofl!

close our eyes

why do we?

when we...
pray...
kiss...
dream...

its so...
the stoofid brain can shut off ... from thinking
and we can feel... from our heart

to feel...
is so beautiful

stop...

to smell the flowers

we were at the beach yesterday
with another GF of mine and her kids.

now my town beach .. is not Bermuda!
but has an excellent board walk... with well-marked mileage, breath taking views of long island sound, beautifully landscaped grounds, grass blue skies and rocky cliffs.
dancing for senior citizens, a small children's play scape, tons of benches, a well-secured bocce court, a veterans' memorial, beach volleyball, a skate park, piers, sandy beaches, lots of opportunities for fried seafood, you can even swim if you dare and some people do.

every time i visit the shore... the waters are a different color.

while my GF and I took a walk, the 4 kids were building sand castles, collecting shells, drinking lime-onade n eating chickadees with sand covered hands ..E

heading back...
the kids got fussy...

to keep them occupied...i suggested we stop to pet the dogs we see.
*of course after checking with their owner*

the 4 kids enjoyed it so much as did the doggies... lapping up the attention.

when we passed this giant bush of Black Eyed Susans...
ryan went over...
spread his arms out...
n stopped...
to smell the flowers.

i was SO touched... my 4 year old boy...
is so sensitive.

my kids...they teach me to appreciate the finer things

Showers

of kind words
of gentle concern
of blessings from a thirukalyanam at Bridgewater temple

of good food
of good luck... with finding just the right sneakers.. FINALLY!
of a long walk at downtown Stamford

of long chats
of funny company
of calm n quiet weekend

and... at what price?!

ex-HAUSTED!

a nite of disturbed sleep...
woke at 7 am

left with kids at 845 to drop off at summer n softball camp
* vent....last coupla days, at drop off...ryan's been cryin ...huge bawling tears...wtf?! his camp teacher is a pretty much clueless teen... n just sits there. well... what do u expect of a kid who takes up a summer job to timepass n drives in, in a bmw Z6 sports car?! *

hit the beach at 915 and took a 45 minute walk with my gf

got to kohl's at 1015... shopped again for shoes... no luck
got home at 11... had a a shower n went back at 12 to pick up kids
got home at 1 ish...
had lunch
paid a coupla bills
printed out some work related stuff
called an HR person
n cot up with the various pals on fb/gtalk/yahoo.. waiting for me
threw in a load of laundry
looked cloudy outside so ran the dryer instead of line drying

left again at 4 to piano lessons
stopped on the way, at the bank and it was CLOSED!!!! Which fuckin bank CLOSES AT 4 PM????... apparently Bank of America does. lazy asses.. grr!

ryan falls asleep in the van ride to the class
cool our heels while rave is at her lesson...
ryan wakes n decides its the best time / place to poop...
old man walks in while we are in the bathroom n freaks himself out...more than us!
rave's teacher walks out n is all ravez about her. saying she memorizes so fast..its like shez been practicing all week long.

got done at 5
and i am all aglow with the praise my kid's got...
so decide to treat her to a mall visit
drove to THE mall
shopped more at sears for shoes. no luck again.
hit the play scape
r n r played some

went into the pet store...
rave all starry eyed at the doggies n chinchilla's..
with ryan wanting to reach in n grab a rabbit or two!
its 7 pm...kids want dinner

burgers! rave orders!
none of the shops in the food court serve kid-sized burgers
so we eat chicken / steak chalupa at taco bell
and i spot this HUGE sign...screaming at me.. from across the food court
H&M... 75% off sale

cant resist...
in 5 minutes and weaving thru the crazy-eyed women shoppers, i picked up a cool pair of jeans n a brite orange halter neck blouse in MY SIZE!!!
hold your breath.... the jeans was for $10 *originally ticketed at 50 bux* n 6 bucks for the skimpy blouse. woo-hoo-to-me!

came home
gave both brats a bath
sudden spur of energy...decided to pack away all the clothes they have outgrown.
i pass them onto a GF of mine with 2 lill girls
was surprised to fill only 2 shopping bags.
have no heart to pass on the precious n elaborate ghagras rave's been gifted from family the last 2 yrs... sniff sniff...
*i can be quite stingy at times!*

i seem to be running on this power house of whirlwind energy today!

looonnnnggggg day... but naaaaaaiiiceee day!
hope all that walking n driving i did...knocks off a pound tmrw ;)

scaling down

2 days...of ditching carbs *rice... bread... pasta... n the dreadful parle-g biscuits i devour with t-E*
uping the fruit intake *blu'n'straw berries*
dannon activia yogurt
walks at the beach
8+ hrs of sleep
green t - 3 cuppa-day

am down 3 pds
wooooooooooooo-hoo!

my scale.. loves me..now ;)
back in the 130's

life isn't all thaaaaaat bad


inspired by this...

nobody loves me...

no more.

ya! its true!
even when i say it out loud...
i get bland responses...
why u sayin tht to a heartless flying dutchman?
whatz with the drama?
n such

my scale is consistently reading over the 140 mrk... grr!

down pours...x'ld out one kids softball camp

dragged a moping kid along to kohl's... found a pair of sneakers i love... try it on..one feels a tad tight.
turns out the only pair in my size is mismatched and after 1.5 hrs of opening every orange shoe box...there are no more on the shelves or in the back rooms.

all i find everywhere are empty boxes...
empty box of pops in the freezer..
empty packs of cookies...
empty box of almonds
empty empty empty... goes in the bin!

whtz for my dinner?
can you pay this bill
run that errand
call so n so... n get this done?
laundry..
grocery shopping...
cooking...
doing dishes...
cleaning...
kid raising n chauffeuring...

overworked n underpaid..
endless maid jobs!

blame it on the culture i was raised....
u got the boobs..means you do the cooking.. cleaning... laundry

Ryan one liners

Ryan: Mom are you going to India?
Me: No...
Ryan: Do yo love your Mommy?
Me: Ya... very much
Ryan: Then why are you here?
Me: *stumped*

.............................

Ryan: I didn't sleep an inch
Rave: It's 'I didn't sleep a wink' *rolling her eyes*

testing times

my BIL was hospitalized this last week.

low bp... extreme fatigue... shrunk liver... discolored stools due to internal bleeding... white nails.. white eyes... blood hemoG count at 3

all his symptoms were not pointing to any good place on google.
2 days and a battery of tests followed...

the family was badly shaken up...
made me realize what my sis and her happiness meant... to me

turns out google can kiss my a**

endoscopy tells its a bleedin' stomach ulcer.
everything is under control now with steroids and blood transfusions happening.

P H E W !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

on a lighter note...
when i spoke to my BIL... day 2 of hospitalization...
hez all drugged... swollen...gone white... straped to drips.. monitors n such...
i go...'hey bhav... you freaked us out man!'
he goes.. *all slurry speeched n mournful voiced*...'kai barre nai ithe... ek nurse bhi bhes nai'

loosly translated it reads...'nothing is good here...not one nurse is good lookin'

n he apparently told my worried sis...
'look at it like a honeymoon.. just the 2 of us... alone... in hospital!'

* humor always ROX... no point whining in life..huh?!*

my birth story

had a birthday recently and when on the phone getting my mama's wishes n blessings...
she went down memory lane... n told me with immense fondness... my birth story

Prologue
I am the last of 3 kids... all girls... and pretty much was not planned... at all!
and therez a 7 yr n 5 yr gap between me n my first and second sis

-----------------------------------------------
June 13...

4 am...
Mom's labor pains started at 4 am ish... and she was bearing it silently to keep from waking her mom and younger brother.

5 am...
Mom had to use the bathroom and woke grandma up.

6 am..
The kid brother was shaken awake to go fetch a cab.
Mom's house in Ooty is atop a steep hill with a winding road. apparently the cab couldn't make it up top... not even on 1st gear.
So she walked down... *GOSH! gasp!! what grit!!!*
my Dad of course is nowhere on the scene!

7 am...
whilst Mom was checking into the quaint european hospital in the sleepy town of Ooty, the front desk staff asking her numerous questions...
my uncle was getting impatient to see his sis in pain and swearing choicest expletives in marathi at the nurses for not admitting Mom in pronto.

7:05 am...
*this is my favorite part...makes me feel so special and all*
i arrive... to the sound of temple bells ringing from the mandir across the street

Mom makes it sound so romantic n beautiful... by saying... had she been delayed a few minutes I woulda been born in the back seat of a rusty old cab :)

*Mom has no clue.. how much it sucked... to hear the next part, as a child...
she HAS to say this and break my 'bask in how awesome am i' bubble...*

the doc said its yet another.... girl
and the whole Bagre family vacationing at the family house that summer, stood around her n the baby and cried...
my mom... grand mom... grand uncles....grand aunts....cousins

n my Dad ... didn't come to Ooty to bring Mom n baby back home...
'coz of the disappointment

-----------------------------------------------
Epilogue

i've heard this birth story many a time...
not just from Mom.. but from various relatives present that day and a sprinkling of cousins who put a mean twist to it.

and i think it got into me ... from very young...
to rebel.. to defy custom / tradition / stoofid rules all my life.
to be the son my Mom SO wanted n make her proud.

devaa! is that mental scarring for LIFE or what?!
I need to head to therapy or something... NOW!

lol

no more whines

gets you no where

week 2 of swim lessons for rynu and i struck up a conversation with this other mom... who was at the bleachers.

she and her pregnant pal come in for lessons with a whole bunch of kids.

as always i havn't been too observant... and 5 minutes into the conversation, i ask her if she has 3 kids?
she goes... no... i have 4 kids.
and i have to get nosy n HAVE to ask... how many boys/ girls?
she goes... ALL girls.
and her preg pal who is her Sister-in-law also has 2 girls n another lill one on the way.

n i whine about entertaining 2 kids... :)

i see a lot of my stay at hoem GF's who are raising their kids ... mostly on their own.

so what does it take...to enjoy parenting?
my 2cents...
1. BOTH parents need to love kids
2. BOTH parents need to share kid/home chores w/out having to be ASKED / TOLD
3. you need reliable help in terms of a nanny / extended family for that much needed 'me time'

period end of story.

having said that... my world goes around coz of my kids.
they can snap me *or anyone who know them* out of the deepest of doldrums in split seconds.

in that way... they do me more good ...than me them.. E

poconos

my long weekend...

3 day stay-cation...
at poconos, pa



with 9 great kids for company...
driving 5 kids...< 4 girls n one boy...>
thru winding scenic rolling mountains....
who were belting it out with MJ.... to .....'i'm bad...i'm baaad '
even while flinging pillows at me while doing 80mlz...
n me responding with 'you r bad.... you r bad'
n them shrieking in delite...even more............ E

white water rafting...
water theme park....
scenic oh so beautiful bush kill falls

hotel rooms with connector doors...
early am knocks... from the dear friends next door
the kids running in and out...
thoroughly enjoying being together!

was good...
to get away...
from home

romance

Webster's has its own stoofid definition

today a friend defined it as...
'a yellow rose, turns red...'

so beautiful...
i want to experience that kinda romance in life

have you?

Ryan one liners

Me: Ryan.. would you like to go on the swing by yourself?
Ryan: No.... I am just a lill ....nervous
Rave n Me: rofl

Sid: I want my bike.... waaaah
Sid's mom: *no response....annoyed look on face*
Ryan: Hey... Sid's Mom! You have the van key. Get Sid's bike out. He wants to ride it.
Sid's Mom n me: rofl

Me: Ryan pick up your toys
Ryan: Whoz coming?
Me: rofl

3 kids

always wanted them...
maybe 'coz i grew up with 2 siblings...

rave's friend samu spent a whole 24 hrs at home with us
sleep over

it was so cute
all 3 hugging each other
laffing ...

playing...on the laptop
riding their bikes
eating dinner together

till it was bed time
then the jagda started...
the girls wanted the boy OUT
of the room...

they wanted to Zzzz...
but the boy wanted to play some more

he couldn't understand why?
took a whole 1/2 hour to calm him down...

3 kids...
one ...two... many?
will be a dream...only

whatz X?

seriously?! wtf is X with me?

I had a busy n fun filled weekend.
Saturday... hung out with some 12 pals n their kids. Hiked to view this spectacular site off a 400+ ft ridge at Lake Minnewaska... it was SO a la 'Pandora n the Jake choosing his flying dragon' location.




tall tall bleached white from the sun rocky cliff face....
sparkling aqua blue green waters..
lush lush green green woods surrounding.
God's work.. is amazing.
first me.. n now this! ;)

made this HORRIBLE puli-sadam for a picnic lunch... n got kidded endlessly by my pals.
'puli-biryani'...'tiger-biryani'...'u need to get a patent on this stuff' ...
the snarks were spewing!
good company... endless laughs.
everyone lapped up the kaa-thoo-spicy-tiger-stuff nevertheless!
*thtz how frikkin popular i am*

drive back...rode in the back seat with r & r and played silly games with silly bandz... n gummy bears... biting one head off n sticking it on another colored gb's body.

didn't get home till late nite... had a glass of wine n chilled some.

had a lazy n good food filled Sunday...

n i still feel ... empty inside.

i need to head to fb... its cheaper than therapy!

another year...

older... any wiser?

nope!
was a wimp... stayed a wimp... REFUSE to be wimp no more!

all insensitive bullshooters can kiss my a$$... starting NOW!

Shopping = Happiness

WTF is it about retail therapy?

i've been feeling the blues of late... and when a dear pal asked me to help shop, for her upcoming summer vacation in India... I JUMPED!

n last few days has been AWESOME! just getting out of the house feels great!
the 2 of us have similar likes n work SO well together... in burning $'s.... :P

kids summer wear...shoes... bags... dresses... accessories... make up.... lingerie... we worked it ALL... n in just 4 days!

not to forget the lazy lunches over life's whines... E!

i LOVE her style of shopping... she doesn't think 2x ...
like it? ... buy it!

that'z how life should be.
like it? live it!
else ... move on.

June

I love this month
the weather is great
the sun is out
it meant 'back to school'... back home in India
n mostly 'coz... its my b'day month

i totally believe ... i am special.
the endless phone calls...the emails...the presents...the cakes...dinner plans
all make me feel super special

but the last 2 years... i had totally unhappy bday's
partly coz i brought it on myself...
I let my expectations... play spoil sport :(

so...i've learnt in the years i've walked this planet...
money... wealth...nor prized possessions...
will bring me happiness or the mental peace i SO crave

so this year... n in the years to come...
'I swear by my life and my love of it ...that I will never live for the sake of another human, nor ask another human to live for mine.'
-- John Galt

smile...

and the world smiles with you.

express signs of vulnerability / weakness...
n watch the world...
react

my girl!

has my gene... huh!
i am SO frikkin proud of her!

crossing...

my fingers
n my toes...

deva
devaa
devaaa

pls
pls
pls...!

let it happen
let it happen
let it happen

I'll slice a lime
throw in a dime
I'll even give up a WHOLE hour of FB time
pls make my wish come true... this one time

EEE

Just like her...

she my hero
growing up
Some 15 years older than I
she was so pretty...

hailing form the sheltered lill town of Ooty
at 18 she chose to fly the coop
to pursue a career... as flight attendant for AI
of course... my conservative Maharashtrian grand ma... threw a hissy fit

long hair... long nails to match
beautiful smelling perfumes
classy clothes
she talked thru closed teeth
n jet'd all over the world...

every visit home from Bombay, her base, she came bearing gifts from around the world
chocolates...
scented pencils n erasers...
fancy cheeses...
lovely kleenex tissue boxes...
pretty dresses...

she married for love
an equally lovely human
he was a tall n handsome Punjabi from the Navy
was Aide De Camp for the then President of India... Sanjiva Reddy
of course... my conservative Maharashtrian grand ma... threw a hissy fit

she went on to have 2 kids
one boy... oh! so cute
one girl.. oh! so cuddly
of course... my conservative Maharashtrian grand ma was... oh! so thrilled

she quit her job of 2 decades
to play dutiful wife to the diplomat her husband became for India
they moved to Sri Lanka
wined and dined with Presidents of the world

On returning she went on to become entrepreneur
head n run many successful businesses

5 years back...
she visited me here in the US
her son was starting Under Graduate studies at a University here in the US
amidst all that excitement...she helped me potty train Rehwa
m&m's being the reward... for a successful pee/poo job done

today her kid... Ragi graduated engineering school...

i am so proud...
i am so proud

of you Niru Masi
beautiful... strong... successful

i wanted to be... JUST LIKE YOU :)

Ryan One Liners

Ryan snuck into bed with me... and the bright and chirpy early riser bird....was all QUIET!
Me: How come you are so quiet Ryna?
Ryan: Okhayy... Maaammmeee...
*EEE*
.............................

coupla days back Rynu brot home a little pumpkin plant in a plastic cup.. that he planted n germinated in school.

Today the plant was sitting plonk center of the dining table.
Me: Why is your plant on the table Rynu?
Ryan: Coz I want to keep an eye on it.
*rofl*
..............................

yesterday...
heading out to a pot luck dinner at a pal's place...
Ryan: Mommy... whoz going to be there?
Me: *name the bunch of boys and girls who will be there....*
Ryan: Yaay! I am going to hang out with the boys!

s p a c e

how much is enough?

s p a c e... to grow
s p a c e... to feel
s p a c e... to miss
s p a c e... to nurture

do we take for granted... the people in our lives
is too much of a good thing... bad

Ryan One Liners

Ryan is a HUGE Thomas the tank engine fan. kid has a collection of engines from the series... n numerous Thomas paraphernalia. you get the picture...rite!

Today...
while returning home from school... i turn into my driveway...
we see the neighbor walking down the street with his son...

Ryan goes...
'Now whoz that puffing down the tracks'

the man... was smoking a cigarette. ;)
..............................................

while taking the curvy ramp to get on to I95 north rynu yells...
'Difficult bends.... difficult bends... difficult bends....'

lol!

Fab 4

That the name... I gave the team of 4 sweet girls... whoz dance recital is here...
Grr song
*Rave in purple... 2nd from right*

This year...the girls were SO much better coordinated than previous years... n I am so proud of them :)

so what...
if i got stressed out ... getting to the show on time?
if i forgot to bring mineral makeup n used some other bekaar stuff that ended up making the girls look Gothic?
that i got upset at some routine insensitivity?

the day was all about my girl... and THAT is what is important :)

n-joy!

Ryan One Liners

Took the brat along... to a salon visit.

Was in the dreaded chair... getting my eyebrows landscaped.
Inadvertent tears arrive... at the sharp stinging pain of the thread rippin thru fine hairs on tender skin...

Ryan is as always running about...like hez jet powered. He stops long enough to curiously check out the scene.

The lady: Look kid... your Mom is crying.
Ryan: *nonchalantly* Everyone cries at sometime or other.
Me: *lolol*

Absolutely love his 'shake-it-off-attitude'

Insecurities

Is it just me?
or does everyone suffer this horrible emotion?

My 2 cents

To all you people... facing 2 choices in life...

regardless of what you choose today...
10 years from now...
you will wake up n wonder ...'What if...i had taken the other option'

so don't beat yourself up about life's choices.

just do it.

Ryan... One liners

Banged his head and goes...
-- Mommy I got huuurrrrrt and I am So maaaaaad!

Snuggled up in my bed...
Me: Ryan tell me a story
*silence*
Me: Ryan you need to go sleep in your bed
Ryan: How can I tell you a story, if I go to my room. DUhhhhh!

Ryan to Rave...
-- Akkkkkaaaaa... I have something very important to tell you. I am not a monster.
* Akka.... snarky look on face that says..'like i care'
Mom.... rofl *

Kolukattais

made 'em... first time in life.

so what...
if it turned out orange... coz i over dozed on the grated carrots

so what...
if it turned out a tad soggy... 'coz i steamed it a bit longer than required... 'coz ryan locked himself in the bathroom this time and i was struggling to wrench the door knob out with a screw driver

so what...
if it resembled mashed potatoes... more than kolukattais?



it was Yum-O!

lol

Vitamin D, a broken bird egg and Yelzi

from the 'Chronicles of Ryan...' comes yet another saga...

Stepped out on the 2nd floor deck... to absorb some much needed vitamin D...n to look out for Rave's bus which was uncharacteristically running late.

Ryan followed me out...
i was examining a tiny smashed egg... which musta fallen off the roof...when i hear the ominous sound of a door close...!

turned around in panic... thinking Rynu went inside n closed me out.
well... turns out... he pulled the door shut... n we both got locked out.

Oh Ryan...! why did you do that?! ...i moan in absolute despair..
Oh sorry mommy...he says ... totally blase!

An elderly n good Samaritan neighbor...who was outside....answered my yelp for help.
She made some calls... to check if anyone had a tall ladder...to help me reach a 3rd floor window that was unlatched.

She knocked on other doors and got me a little ladder instead and another good neighbor, invited us to climb over the divider wall...n hang out at her place... until hubs got home.

so some half hour later...a squealing Ryan n bare footed us... climbed clumsily over.

long story short... my neighbor of 4+ yrs, who I wave to when I see around, is Yelzi and we got to sample some authentic Turkish food while at her place :)

an ideal Saturday

come out of sleep ...slow and late.. ~ 8 am ish...n laze in bed... for 10 - 15 minutes... no rush to get outta bed n get the day started

go for a long drive... zipping at 80 mph
have a lazy lunch... on a deck overlooking waters n mountain view... lite fog n slightly nippy weather... it should be

long walk... later, listening to fave music on player
fly a kite at the beach with r & r

zumba class ... an hour of fun n sweat
soak in the hot tub with a glass of perfectly chilled ice wine

slow dinner
watch a nice hindi movie... full of naach, gaana n well dressed hero / heroine

passionate nite with the one you love
good... long.... sleep

The End!

Chau-cha..Chau-cha

That my new pet name.

Ryan woke me up at the crack of dawn...
awrite awrite! 630 am feels so for me. Ugh! never been a morning person..ever!

He puts his pudgy arms around me.. n rubs his cheek against mine and goes...

Rynu: chau-cha..chau-cha..
Me: Whatz that mean Ryna?
Rynu: Duckling... in Chinese
Me: hahahahahahahaha!
*interestingly... I used to be called ugly duckling as a kid!*

my kids speak more Chinese n Spanish than any of their parents languages!
No thanks... Dora / Ni-hao Kai Lan!

Woo-hoo! To conf. calls

Today is a dear friend's bday. Ya Apr 1st.
All through college I pulled pranks on Sumi... on her bday.
And shez such a sport... laughed at it all and enjoyed it as much as I did pulling it on her :)

Now that we are all grown up n *Ahem!* more mature... I thought I'll give her a 'pleasant' surprise.

We were a gang of 8 of us who used to hang out some.
Set up a conf. call for 12 noon ... so it will be a decent hour for all.
And 4 of us got on it to wish Sumi who lives on the West coast.
One pal dialed in from India.. the rest from various parts of the US.

My first time doing this... and i managed to get all on board without dropping anyone.
*I had done a trial run a coupla days back with another pal... to make sure I didn't goof*

We asked her to guess who the voices were and she got us ALL right!
Then we sang Happy Birthday to her.

Feel SO happy! talking as a group after some 10+ years!!!

I realized all 5 of us on that call have a lill kid whoz in the 2 - 3 yr age group.
We talked of a get together in Chicago soon...

Why do we lose touch with dear old friends?
Why do we move so far away from our core?
Why?

Messing with Mother Nature

This weeks fruit pick....
Oranges, bana-na-nas and strawberries.

I opened the box of s'berries and found this...laid on top...


Butterfly strawberry... :)

Reminded me of these Budha shaped pears that I read about sometime back.

Makes me wonder... why do we mess with Mother nature?


What next... genetically engineered babies?
My eyes... my hair... my brains... but NOT my nose :)

Aaaja Nachle!

That time of the year... Rehwa's dance recital, at the Tamil New Year celebs.
4th year this year...

and the song my wise and intelligent GFs have picked...

The Grrrr song!

so choreography starts today... yippee!
i enjoy this... practice / costume pick..blah blah!

EEE!

One liners!

"It's POSSIBLE to find god, but IMPOSSIBLE to find a hidden camera." ---- Swami Nithyananda

Grrr

If there is ONE thing, I can eradicate in this world, it would be a child's cough!

Last night... was horrible. Rynu coughed all night thru'

G-O-D... are you listening?!

Zumba R O C K S!

Ditch the work out..join the party!
thatz Zumba's tag line
and boy! do they deliver?!

fun fun fun... and the BEST part?
1 hr of zumba burns 500 - 700 cals! woo-hoo!

Even 90 mins of Bikram Yoga in a 120 deg heated room... doesn't burn half that much.

The instructor at my last class...played PCD's Jai Ho. It was just WAAAY cool... my excitement soared!!! Jai Ho has been my ring tone the last 6+ months.
Don't miss the lonely DORK in this video!

so ya..
Zumba. my new passion... obsession... my new love :)

DELL fell down and cracked his crown!

My three+ year old son...
where do I start?

The last 5+ months staying home has gotten him more attached to me than before. He ends up spending 90% of his time with me and Rave... my girl.

His fave song is such a girly song from 'Wonder pets' n goes like this....
"I'm a buzzy buzzy bee... I get the nectar from the flowers...pretty pretty flowers..."
His fave tv shows are Dora, Ni-hao Kai Lan...

I worry his tastes are totally gay. EEE!
while whining to my sis about it, she suggested I do more boy stuff with him.

So last morning...
Rynu brings a baseball to me and says 'letz play catch mommy'
I have this brilliant ta-da moment...
I say 'lets play football (with a baseball) instead!'

and the two of us are having so much fun... kicking the unbalanced ball all over the family room. I make 2 straight goals and he gets so mad at me... while i was rubbing it in by doing the victory dance, he grabbed the closest thing n flung it...
*whizz... smash... crack!*
the flying can of sunscreen hit my open laptop screen!

uh-ohhh...........!!!!

thankfully... the dell is under a year old and still under warranty.
whatz more... dell will send a dork home to fix the thing... for 50 bucks.
and YES... i opted for extending the warranty. :)

so rite now my laptop is not mobile n stuck in front of the home PCs monitor.

Moral of the story..rory?
DON'T play football... with a baseball ;)

Aaa bail... mujhe maar!

I did the most stoofid thing today. Well not THE most... but its close to being there.. on my top 10 list of stoofid things.

Dropped Ryan off at school at 9 am... rushed to my Doc apt... was late by 7 minutes and someone else got my 9:15 apt. Cooled my heels... saw the doc at 950. got out at 10:15...rushed to the gym. Got in at 1030 n worked out till 11am.
Remembered I had to get milk... so stopped at the grocery store. Got 2 gallons of milk and a couple bags of other stuff n was rushing out.

Was 11:15 already. School lets out at 11:25.
Juggling the bags, 2 gallons of milk, my pocket book AND my keys... I walked up to the van.
Reach the passenger side door.. to load in the groceries... even before i click the open button on my key I see the locks are up.

Thinking i forgot to lock the van before I went into the store... i open the door.
I literally JUMP out my skin.
therez this GUY... sitting in my van...that too in the drivers seat!!!!!

'Who the *%&^ are you?' i ask...

he just is sitting there with a stoofid grin on his face!!!!
he says 'it's ok...'
In the split seconds that follow... so many thots run thru my pea sized brain.
I left the doors unlocked n this guy got in... and was waiting inside to keep my van from being stolen.
*in hindsight... DUH DUHH...triple DUHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

i say 'I'm sorry...'
the stranger repeats 'it's ok...'
i was looking at the dash board..to look for familiar chachka's that I have set up in my van.
zilch... but it all looks SO familiar... !

i am apologizing profusely by now... even while not realizing what was going on.
he goes.. 'it's ok...'

n THEN it hits me. a whole minute later...
WRONG van!
*duh!* or did i say that already?!!!

i found MY van parked... in the same spot... only it was one aisle away.

load my stuff in and drive off... SO EMBARRASSED!!
embarrassed that i swore at a TOTAL stranger... for my inattentiveness!

a whole 10 minutes later.. i realize how funny the situation was .. and was doubled up laffing...so hard!

what was even more funny was ...
the stranger in the van with the silly grin on his face...was a Desi guy.
a B- version of Shahid Kapoor looks-wise... EEE!
who didn't have the presence of mind to tell me...
'Hey stranger.. back it off...this here... is my van!'

lol!

Time Travel

9 years since Dec 16, 2000.

Shez gone and so is her pain. but she left us... with broken hearts.

whatz strange when I think back to the short year she lived after diagnosis is...

the pain was worse... the day the biopsy came back +ve for Ewing's Sarcoma.... than the day she passed.

more gut wrenching it was... to see her bald head the first time, with an iv running up her arm, laid up in a white hospital bed undergoing chemoT... than seeing her fast asleep with a smile on her lips... that last day.

heart breaking it was... to see her cry and cry and cry inconsolably, to leave for the hospital that one last time to never return home... than it was when she was lowered into her final resting place.

if my pain is so palpable now, after 9 long years... what are my sis and bil feeling?
i doubt... they will ever recover.

Nannu...
born 3/3/1991 - turned angel 12/16/2000
9 yrs 9 months and 12 days. a precious precious lill girl's short life.

Nannu...
today you fly with angels... but will always remain in my heart.
love you darling.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

VTV

After hearing my pals ooh n aah'in over the songs for months now...n getting emailed 'Hosana...' multiple times.... and then reading rave reviews the last one week on fb n blogs...and oh! Trisha is so beaauttifffulll ... i caught the flick on line.

2 words.... Fully falthu!

Jesse... a girl who has the frikkin spunk to say 'no way' n walk out of her wedding... has no frikkin spunk to stand up to her Dad when he threatens 'over my dead body'? How messed up is that?

Karthik... a boy...who hauls his butt to Allepy... then from Goa, his first on site job... to rush to her n hear her say...
'its over!...
why did you chase after me...
why did you kiss me...
I told you no.. it won't work...'

jerk! jerk! jerk! why is she messing with him?
wtf do you start sth you know you can't frikkin finish?! Jeezzz!

and the songs.... endless... at the drop of a hat...they break into notes.

the one scene that touched my heart was... the Central park scene n dialogues.
n Simbu... my first watch of his. must say.. calm...restrained performance n nice sulky, mournful voice to match :)

all said and done... its a movie for 20 something year olds... who probably identify with one or two scenes / heart break... from the freak show.

just not my cuppa T(risha)...read * T R A S H *

Carpe diem!

what a wonderful bright n sunny day! Am in a skinny t and size 4 jeans!
Effect of 1 month of gyming and I have lost 1/2"!
woo-hoo!!!

Is it the effect of the endorphins... or is it the warm sunshine?????
whatever it is... i am SO happy today!

Sitting cooling my heals at the Honda service ctr the last hour isn't annoying the crap outta me one bit either..!

Man!!! i HATE old man winter! HTF did i land up in a cold place like the NE of USA?! fuck! fuck ...fuck! ^%%&^&(

I was born in Ooty... n i remember dreading the tri-yearly visits back to Mom's home town... only coz i hated the cold so!

kahan se... kahan aa paunche hum... paise ke peeche bhagke bhagke?!
even sunshine... what i took for granted back home... is a rare commodity here :(

i am ranting... ain't i?
brrr....shake it off... n letz just 'seize the day' now!
Carpe diem!

Karma.... is a bitch!

So... I have an aunt. Mom's older sis...

Sub normal che... got married. Had a kid and all.
Lived the joint family with Ma and Pa-in-law and one sister-in-law who was handicapped and hence stayed unmarried.
Something something happened... the next thing you know ... my aunt was undergoing shock treatments.
apparently the story is... her in-laws beat her up or sth... n she had gone mad.

i am talking from childhood memory here. facts are all kinda fuzzy now.

years rolled by... all in-laws are dead n gone. Aunt and her hubs live alone in this pretty cottage in Coonoor.

a lill bit about my aunt...
My aunt is huge... some 250+ pds! she talks non-stop! speaks loud... n is as innocent as a kid. shez so happy... has no expectations of anyone. her son rarely visits... it doesn't faze her. she n her hubs travel lots... visit my mom..other relatives and friends.
When visiting my aunt will help cook... n clean.
her hubs meanwhile sits quiet and doesn't talk one bit. I honestly believe they travel so much, so he can get off the hook from listening to her talk to him.
I tell my mom... to ask her NOT to visit when I am home.
Her non-stop chatter clearly exhausts me!

today... while yakkin with my Mom on the phone i hear her say...
Aunt had a fall and dislocated her arm n fractured her leg...
apparently shez too heavy and is on medication ... n this is her 4th fall in as many years.
Mom goes on to say... how her poor hubs is taking care of her and cooking n is oh! so exhausted taking care of her.

the same man... who beat up his wife / put her thru all that therapy all those years back....

Karma...tis a bitch!
It chases you n comes back to bite you in the butt! haha!

Just kidding

this my 50th post! woo-hoo!
*celebrations*

Rynu started pre-school.
end of day 4....

Me: Ryan... name some kids in your class.
Ryan: i donno

Me: Ok Name one girl
Ryan: Yeeeaaaaas.... Cassidy!

Me: *rofl...* OK name one boy now
Ryan: Yeeeeeaaas.... Sean
Me: *phew*

.....................

in other news...

it's arrived....
the first admiration note for my girl...

kid named Anthony C drew Rave a picture of a pink ribbon that says
'Best girl in the class award'

haha!

Wordless

tired...
empty...
drained...

facebook...
google talk...
blog...
home front...

wordless
tired of it ALL

this is when i wish for a tail like the Navi have, in Avatar... to connect to mankind.
the person you want to connect with will automatically read your thots and understand you.

no need to explain... no arguments... no misinterpretations... no heart ache

no NEED for words...
just 'shhhhhhhhh.............................'

Dropping frequencies

something happened this week...

My 3.5 year old started pre-school. Nothing spectacular... right?

It's the same Nursery my girl went to.
Now... at this nursery, parents walk their kids into class and help them settle in. we can even hang out a few minutes.

I park... get Rynu out... and the short distance to the entrance.... Rynu holds my hand.

Overwhelming... that moment. His tiny hand in mine...
Reality strikes... hard.
My responsibility as a parent... the next 15+ years to come.
The many events and paths i will be walking with him...in his scholastic life and otherwise.

He walked in and in 2 minutes was happily coloring away. Not a care to see me leave him and go.
I walk away with the a smile thinking of some alone Me time.

I wondered why?... i didn't feel this feeling when I walked my first born to her first day at pre-school.

I remember that day so well... She was 2 yrs and 8 months and was just potty trained. I didn't do much home work in choosing the school and picked a strict catholic institution for her first pre-school. Parents were asked to leave their child at the door and LEAVE immediately.

Her first day she cried... n I stood outside and cried silent tears.
I was so anxious... at letting my first born go...
my emotions and pain... clouded my vision of the trees from the forest.
when her tears and my pain didn't cease even after 4 months, I pulled her out.

today i realize... when i see beyond my pain and drop the frequency of thoughts in my mind... i am able to see further beyond... my needs ... and far into the future.

Eywa!

Why do I believe in her?
Why was i routing for Jake Sully... to destroy the Sky people?

what was interesting for me was...

all Sci-fi's so far... have aliens attacking mother earth and its inhabitants in space ships and fancy robotic equipment.

and Avatar was 'role' reversal...
humans in robotic equipment and mother ships and fancy masks... attacking poor Na'vi on Pandora... who respond with pure belief in Eywa and bow and arrows!

i thought the na'vi were so beautiful... at 10 feet in height and sub-zero hips and beautiful beautiful eyes... and perky ears...and lashing tails... with beautiful blue skin...whatz not to love?

great movie... especially the 3D exp in I-Max!

totally open mouthed and mesmerized!

Just kidding... some more

Rave: Mom... here's an eye lash.
Me: Go on make a wish...and blow it off
Rave: Nah! I don't believe in it.
Me: Oh! Why not?
Rave: Wishes don't come true... the last time i did... it didn't happen.
Me: :(
* can't beat THAT logic! but my girl.. just 7 and is she cynical already in life? *

Ryan n me... having breakfast.
Me: Uh-oh *I spill a whole bowl of Rynu's food down*
Rynu: Mommy.... put yourself in timeout..!
Me: haha!
*cleaned up n sat the mandatory 3 mins (well i cant sit it out 'my age in minutes') on the naughty step*

why?

do i tolerate frikkin bitches and bastards in my life?

why? why? why?

Student of the month

Ya! My girl got awarded that, today at school. It was for 'working well with others.'

it got me thinking... on how defined are we?
by our genes... by the role parents play in our life.

My Mom....
a place for everything and everything in its place. perfectionist...that's her.
I was raised by her mostly. She was the go-to person all my school years. home work, good food, kisses for bu-bu's, hurt ego... I can't remember a single day that she wasn't home when i got back from school. my world revolved around her.
No slacking with her! education was prime... grades had to be up... homework had to be done... no tests could be flunked.

My Dad...
pretty laid back... easy going. total procrastinator. took life as it came by. no major ambitions. easily satisfied. never asked anything of anybody. Didn't really play a role in my life...atleast i thot that. until i became parent.
he never said no... to driving me or my siblings to and fro from school / friends homes. funny... when i go home..he still drives me around.

Me...
a total combo of the 2.

my kids... are showing so many of these character traits.

mini-me-in-the-making?! Yikes! :)

i'm excited today!

Tnx to Soin one of my readers, I stumbled upon Blog-a-ton

YAAA! I'm competing... amidst some 41 entries.
and i submitted this post of mine... Walk the talk... Who me?

voting closes Jan 15th, 19:00 hrs IST.

while winning will be great... i am excited that my fellow bloggers and competitors @ blog-a-ton are reading me.
whatz more... they are sweet enough to leave their comments.

tnx all.
i am excited!

all in good time...

a GF of mine is preggers with her second baby, due sometime in march '10 I think.

a lill background on my GF...
She & her hubs were married 7+ yrs with no luck getting preg...
and the 2 of them love love love kids! at every social gathering you would see them holding one of the lill ones / playing with the older kids.
When Rynu was little, they have held him many a time so i got a chance to sit down n enjoy a meal in peace.
*for which i am thankful for*

many failed medical treatments to get preggers and AI finally kicked in.
A sweet lill boy arrived Feb 28 of the last leap yr that passed.

when i saw the lill one that first time, i was like... lucky baby! is gonna have such doting parents.
its funny...over the last 2 years, i see the 2 of 'em and cant help but notice how freakin stressed out they look. its like they cant handle their baby boy AT ALL.

a lill over a year later, she discovers shez preggers again. This time... no medical intervention, was totally unplanned... and a COMPLETE surprise!

My GF's and I are planning a baby shower for her on the 17th. in the last week, back n forth a 100 emails have gone by. Jeez! you'd think we are organizing a wedding!

anyways...i digress...

it got me thinking... on time slots.
back home in India... there is this social pressure
early to mid 20's - time to get hitched
mid 20's to 30's - breed babies before good old age (of 30's) sets in.
*read 'babies' - as 'a baby' sure is not good enough*
30 to 40's - Home ownership is the prime goal of every family.

You do all of the above... and you have 'arrived' in life!

marriage... kids... own home.... pure social pressures them all.

Does it really make one happy...?

a marriage... to a person who isn't your soul mate...is only a bondage
a child...most of us love 'em... doesn't really translate for all into being able to raise / handle a baby
a house... built with bricks n money. Turns into 'home' only when built on love.

Do we even think... before we venture into vesting our emotions *read 'life'* into the 3?

Sales pitch

Being in-between jobs ain't much fun. Especially when you've worked the last 12 years with no break in between.

With analyst/developer jobs rare n far in-between, I was desperate enough to answer a call for a sales position with aflac. My chat with the regional mgr for CT was scheduled for this am.

8 am: Getting dressed...
black n white blouse, black skirt, black blazer, black knee hi-boots.
*my eyes wandered to my jeans n t's... my regular developer / desk job garb*

hm... i've lost wt... my clothes don't fit as well as they used to a year (maybe more) back. has it been that long??? since i wore formals...!

I'm excited and therez spring n confidence in my step.
I walk in and am greeted by this guy... with fake stamped ALL over his smile.
Small talk done... the big talk begins.

He takes the predictable route around the barnyard... how he was makin a 100k at 20 yrs...selling ad space for the yellow pages.. and how his pal at aflac was making 50k. n how over the next 3 years his pal went on to making half a mil while he was still stuck at 100k. he talks of taking vacations at exotic locales at fine hotels... n the whole 9 yards.
* i hate it...when money is talked of first*

he stops long enough to ask me... if making calls and fixing appointments was sth i could see myself doing?
I think of how I have gone half insane staying home the last coupla months, n i hear myself say 'i can...'
more talk... more selling... some big numbers thrown in...more fake smiles... coupla ?s from me... and its done.

What next? I say I will think about it and email you. I walk away.

in the half hour drive back home... i realize...
making a sales pitch ... ain't my thing. :(

Just kiding...more

Rynu: Mommy... i covered something in the living room.
Me: What did you cover Rynu?
Rynu: Sth big and long...
Me: Is it Rags?
Rynu: hihihi!
*Rags... our house guest, was asleep on the couch...and is 6'+ *

Rave watchin TV show, Olivia...

Olivia: Rule of Life #52 If your mom is having a baby and she asks you whether you want a brother or a sister, that does not mean you're really going to get the kind you ask for.
Rave: I already know that Olivia!
*lol...loving the 7 yr old's snarks!*